Page 66 of Drawn into Oblivion

“Please get some rest,” she whispered to him. “I know I tired you out earlier.” Mai barely caught the words but wished she hadn’t. She’d already spied upon them far too much for one lifetime.

“I will always be a servant to your body, even bedridden,” he said with a lopsided smile.

“Make sure Rosuke eats something at dinner.”

“I doubt he’ll even enter the Green Room. He’s probably returned to his quarters.”

“Then perhaps Mai can tempt him into eating something,” she suggested, the innuendo not lost on Mai, who was so red-faced she was sure she gave off heat at a distance. Shumei turned, her heavy gaze landing on Mai with such gravity it was a wonder Mai didn’t sink to her knees.

“Perhaps she can,” Vallen agreed. He kissed Shumei’s cheek and left, closing the doors behind him.

“You know who I wish to discuss,” Shumei began, waiting until Mai nodded before continuing. “Beyond what he did to survive—what he had to do—did you stop to wonder what his life as a demon might have been like?”

“I—”

“Did you consider how someone forced to feed off countless lovers would feel after the long years of their existence had stretched out endlessly with no hope in sight?”

“I imagine he’d never want to touch another woman again—unless his existence wasn’t as distasteful to him as you say,” Mai answered slowly, trying to put her confusion into words. Or perhaps his amorous pursuit of her had been habit rather than vice. Shumei nodded, as though none of what Mai had said was a surprise.

“Then imagine he wanted so much more than to end his nightmare and be human again. Imagine he wanted a second chance to live with honor, to love with his whole heart, to offer his body to one special person, to grow old, and to know his soul would ascend to the Garden where he would enjoy everlasting peace.”

Mai wondered if she’d even have the strength of will to persevere for so long, let alone hope for redemption.

“Imagine the courage he had to cling to that dream of a second chance,” Shumei went on, “especially in the final years of his curse. For a time, he didn’t even have Vallen as a companion and wandered the land alone. Imagine how freeing and hopeful he felt once his curse was lifted. At long last, he has a chance to be the person he wished so sincerely he had been hundreds of years ago. Someone with strength of character. Someone like you.”

“Are you saying he sees me that way?” Mai asked with surprise.

“His first impression of you deeply affected him. For better or worse, he couldn’t separate his need to prove his worth to himself and his need to prove it to you. Despite his attraction, I think he meant to keep his distance from you. He likely worried he’d…sully you.”

Mai only became more confused. “Then why did he suddenly decide to approach me? I don’t understand.”

The empress breathed in and stepped closer. Mai tensed. “The Divine One’s gift has…allowed me to see his reasons. And unbeknownst to me, he stood outside my door the afternoon you told me about your mother.”

“He knows?” Mai gasped, feeling as though she had been punched in the chest.

“He knows that you decided to let go of something painful in your past. I’m certain he sympathized with that. Last night when he and Vallen spoke, he expressed how desperately he desired to earn your trust and respect.” She gave a small sigh and shrugged. “Whether he still has your esteem is up to you. So is whether or not you believe his sincerity.”

A cruel part of her wanted to believe Rosuke’s interest in her had been malicious, but her heart seized upon all the things he’d both said and done that proved he hadn’t simply attached himself to the first single woman he’d met: His careful, selfless seduction. His curiosity about her life and interests. The genuine praise he’d given her after Oka’s exorcism, and later, after she invoked the genesis circle. His vow to protect her in Oblivion. And yesterday, in his bedroom…

“He does. I do,” Mai effused. “I simply couldn’t believe that someone so stalwart and honorable could have emerged from that curse, especially not after so many years, and that he’d choose someone like me. I thought he had to be either confused or hiding his true nature. It makes sense that the high general is enamored of you—you’re wonderful, not to mention the empress—but Rosuke and me?”

“When Vallen told him what happened last night, he had to hold Rosuke back from going to you,” Shumei admitted. Mai pressed her hand against her pounding heart. “We believed you two needed the night to calm yourselves, and I bade him to leave you in peace. Perhaps that was a mistake. I’m sorry, Mai.”

Rosuke had stood outside her door anyway. For hours. Had he been hoping she’d leave her room to go to him? Had he been thinking her tears meant she could not accept him? Had he been aching for her, just as she had been aching for him?

She had been such a fool. She’d spent so much of her life guarding her heart rather than listening to it. And she hadn’t trusted Rosuke as much as she’d claimed—certainly not enough to hear about his past or tell him hers.

It wasn’t too late. The way he’d looked at her just now…

“That must mean…he really—” But she couldn’t finish her sentence. Joy had clogged her throat.

“Yes, he does,” Shumei said with a smile. “Now go to him and let him tell you himself.”

Mai ran for the doors, grinning from ear to ear.

Chapter Nineteen

Rosuke stalked between his desk and bed. Distracting himself with formulating a strategy for tomorrow night wasn’t working. He’d managed to write only a few words about his recollections of campaigns into Oblivion before abandoning the endeavor. All he could think about was Mai—the tilt of her smile, the heartrending sound of her sobs, the way her eyes glazed with passion, and the pain he’d seen on her face when she’d avoided him at the meeting. Every flash of memory stoked his desperation, which in turn fed the angry hunger of his magic. It clawed at his insides, and the nausea he’d been dealing with since last night didn’t help his state of mind.