Page 10 of Between Love & Ruin

“No,” I say. “I rarely have the time to.”

“Of course,” she says, and I can practically imagine her rolling her eyes so hard they can hit the back of her head. “You busy bee. Go see the video I have sent you.”

I sigh as I put her on speakerphone and open her text. She has sent me a video of a man.

“Are you sending me thirst traps of other men now?”

“No,” she says. “But if you’re interested, I will. Focus on his hand.”

I zoom in as much as I can and see him holding a book which looks familiar. The guy has covered his face with his hand, probably from the paparazzi, and so all I can see is his side profile.

“He is holding your book, Sienna,” she says when I take too long to figure it out, and my eyes widen.

“What?” I ask, my heart racing with excitement.

“Yes, silly. Look at the caption. Your book has been climbing the charts since this morning all because of one photo.”

“What do you mean?”

I keep asking the one thing again and again because I am so shocked. I know when celebrities or fan-loved influencers post about books, they gain momentum and go viral, but I don’t even know who this man is.

“But who is he? I don’t think I have seen him anywhere.”

“He is Dominic Wolfe. Owner of Wolfe Media, and I think he was in London a few days ago.”

“Oh wow,” I say, and somehow I keep finding myself staring at him, trying to find a way I can get a glimpse of his face.

“This is amazing, isn’t it?”

“It is,” I say, happiness bubbling inside of me, yet I don’t let it come to the surface completely. “I am just…overwhelmed.”

“I get it,” she says, and I don’t think she truly does. This is the best news I could have gotten in a while, yet I am not able to express it completely.

What is wrong with me?

“I just don’t know how to explain it,” I say to her because if there’s somebody I can vent to, it’s her. “I am happy. Over the moon, but I am not able to express it fully. And that’s problematic, I think.”

She stays quiet, and I can hear my heart cracking at the seams but still find myself unable to do anything about it.

I am grateful that I get to live my dream career because I know so many people don’t get the liberty to do so. But recently, I find myself not being able to give myself the credit for the work I do. No matter what anyone says, no matter the praises and the compliments, I always feel like I am not doing enough.

And I don’t know what to do about it.

“You know what you need?” she says after a while, and I close the picture of the guy I still know nothing about.

“What?”

“You need a change of scenery, Sienna. You’re losing yourself, and staying in that apartment is slowly draining the life out of you.”

I open my mouth to counter, but I can’t even do that anymore. Because a part of me knows that she is right.

“I know, I need a break. I think New York is going to be good for me.”

“Yes,” she says, and I can hear the excitement in her voice. “I have planned so much for us. I am so happy that your namesake boyfriend won’t be there.”

I bite my tongue. I totally forgot to tell her that the boyfriend will be there.

“Actually,” I start, knowing that I am treading on a dangerous line here. “He will be there. Not in the beginning, but he will be joining me there later on.”