Page 23 of Between Love & Ruin

“It’s not a threat.” I unbutton my suit because it has started to suffocate me now. “I am letting you know what could happen if you continue your antics. I don’t appreciate people hiding things from me for whatever reason. And I certainly didn’t appreciate the tone you used with her during the meeting.”

She gasps, because this is the first time I have pointed that out. But no amount of words that I use will make her understand that this is a special project and how much working with Sienna Hayes is crucial for me.

I can barely make myself understand that.

I have never been so fixated on a person in the thirty years of my life like I am now.

She scoffs. “All of this for a woman you barely know? I thought you said you didn’t like her or had any such intentions with her.”

“You wouldn’t understand even if I tried to make you, so I won’t waste my energy,” I say once the car stops in front of our office building. “And whatever my intentions are with her, they do not interest you, so keep yourself out of it. This is the last time I am saying this, Myra.”

She looks at me, and if I didn’t know her better, I would think that’s hurt in her eyes. But Myra doesn’t get hurt. Her ego does.

She gets out of the car in a rush, and I take a moment to compose myself.

I cannot let any of the other employees know that I am having an affect for a woman younger than me for barely any reason.

* * *

I love living alone. The kind of peace that has filled my life ever since my grandfather left this world is insane. And I know that is a shitty thing to say, and for a while after he left, I used to think that the silence would drown me.

But it turns out silence can be the best healer. It didn’t take me much time to get over his death, and while the grief of losing him hits me out of nowhere sometimes, I still wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I didn’t realize how much of my own person I would become after him. I was independent when he was with me, yes, but I became a sole person after him, and I like that version of me better.

I liked that no matter whatever kind of shitty day I had had, the moment I would enter my home, it would disappear. As if I had stepped into a sanctuary. The tiredness would disappear automatically.

Except for today.

Because the amount of restlessness I feel inside me once I strip down in my comfy clothes and start doing errands around the house is rattling.

I can’t focus, my mind going over a multitude of things and landing on the one woman I shouldn’t be thinking about.

I don’t go after people, not even women. Especially not the ones who are committed.

But for some reason, the fact that she has a boyfriend sets my nerves on fire. I“I feel this untameable restlessness as I keep checking my phone and my email to see if they responded with a yes.

Even after knowing that she has a man back home, I want to hear a yes from her.

Yes to working with me. Yes to staying here.

I don’t care if that makes me pathetic.

I want to work with her, and I want her to stay here away from whoever that shitty man is who gets her to say ‘I love you’.

And if I want something, I make sure I get it.

And I will get that, yes.

Fuck love.

Sienna Hayes

This day has been beyond anything I could have ever imagined.

I don’t think even my delusional self could have come up with everything that happened today. And that is saying something, considering I have been very, very delusional my whole life.

The whole way back to our rooms, Aisha and I kept discussing what I should be doing next. She was floored by the offer Dominic made. She has been in the publishing space for more than I have, and yet she couldn’t believe what she heard.