Page 47 of Between Love & Ruin

“I am not believing an illusion. Dominic and I are just friends. Nothing more, nothing less. And do not tell me what I want. I know myself that what I read about can never be compared to what you and I have. What we have has turned into something ugly, and you know it. Tell me, when was the last time you said “I love you” to me wholeheartedly, like you meant it, like if you didn’t say the words, you wouldn’t be able to breathe?”

“That’s bullshit,” he says, and I sigh. I knew he wouldn’t understand. He lacks the part in his brain that has emotional intelligence. “I don’t think that happens in real life. But if you are ready to give up on us, then fine. But I won’t let you leave like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, my flight back home is in two days. Think over what you want, and if by the end of two days, you want to break up, then fine. And if you don’t, then meet me at the airport.”

And saying that, he leaves me standing there on the sidewalk, with passersby giving me a strange look.

Leaving me wondering what the hell just happened.

* * *

“So that shithead gave you an ultimatum,” Laura asks as she sits crisscross applesauce on my bed. Summer gives her one more judgmental look as she continues chewing on her bag of chips.

The first thing I did after Mark left me standing there, utterly confused, was call Laura and Summer. Frankly, I didn’t think Summer would show up. She usually keeps her distance from our hangouts, and whenever the topic of “romance” comes up, she straight-up ignores us. I understand why she does it. Talking about love and relationships reminds her of the one person she can never bring back, and that’s bound to hurt.

So, I thought she wouldn’t come this time either. But ten minutes later, both the sisters were standing at the door of my hotel room with a tub of ice cream, a bag of half-eaten chips, and some unhinged advice.

“He is such a dick,” Summer says. “I mean, with his face, you would expect him to have less attitude.”

“Agreed,” Laura says, sitting up with attention. “That’s why I love women. They are so much less drama.”

Summer chuckles, and I take that as a sign that maybe things are well between them again. I don’t think she had a problem with Laura dating a woman. She had a problem with her sister hiding the fact that she had a crush on their mutual best friend. Summer hates it when people hide things from her, so her crash-out was valid.

But it’s nice to see them back together. Brings back old memories.

“I don’t even know how his brain works,” I say as I lay down in the middle of them, too exhausted to even sit up straight. “I mean, I tell him I want to break up, and he tells me if I want to work on it, I should come back. How does that even make sense in that small, pea-sized brain of his?”

“Honestly, Sienna,” Summer says, snatching the bag of chips from Laura and popping a few in her mouth. “We have all been telling you to get rid of him for a long time. If you broke up with him back when you were in Chicago, there wouldn’t be this problem. I think he wants you to go back with him because you are spending time with a much hotter, richer, and wiser man than him and not because he wants to fix things with you.”

It’s funny how I have been thinking the exact same thing.

“But I don’t know why I am feeling this weird feeling in my stomach just thinking about it. I don’t have any romantic feelings for Dominic—”

“Yet,” Laura adds. “And it’s because you have a man like Mark weighing you down. But think about it, if you were single and this same thing was happening with you and Dominic, wouldn’t you think about giving it a try with him?”

I ponder that thought, and while I know there’s nothing wrong with entertaining this “what-if” scenario, the mere idea of what I could have been and what I could have done makes my chest tighten as if I were committing a crime.

“I don’t know,” I say, sitting up straight. “Just the thought of it makes me feel so…guilty. As if I am cheating on Mark.”

“Forget about him,” Summer says, taking my hand in hers. “Just for one second, think about it. Would you or would you not be into the idea of dating Dominic?”

I bite my lip as I try to push the words out.

Deep down, even I know I would have. Because as much as I like to be oblivious about it, I can’t deny that I do find him attractive.

It’s as if he were written by a woman.

“I would,” I say, and they both smile at me as if I have said something so brilliant. But I know they are relieved to see me admitting my heart for once. “I mean, he is handsome, no one can deny that. He looks like someone I would have had a crush on in high school. He is so attractive. I swear, I can picture him like one of my favorite book characters for once. He is also so smart, and not in that arrogant way. In a natural way. As if intelligence for him is genetic too. Then, he is so emotionally present. We have so much in common, yet we are so different. He gets on my nerves too, most of the time, but when I call him out on it, he never says a word.”

“Yes,” Laura says. “She yelled at him once.”

Summer’s eyes widened in surprise. Not only because I never do that but also because of what I say next.

“Yes, and he didn’t say a word about it. Instead, he talked to me about it so calmly as if he were talking to a child. He is patient and he reads romance. That’s such a big deal for me, you know. He is everything good on paper, but I don’t know if I can have that.”

“You will never know if you don’t try.”