Page 61 of Between Love & Ruin

My heart nearly stops beating. It’s a photo of me and Dominic when he dropped me off yesterday. He is holding my hand in this but you can’t see it clearly because the photo is taken from a distance.

“Who sent you these?” I ask, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible.

I am so tired of people invading my privacy, invading my life, and thinking they have a say in what I do and what I don’t.

“Does that matter? You cheated on me despite saying you wouldn’t. I didn’t know a few weeks in the glitter and glamour would make you sell your soul like this.”

I clench my fists before I do something incorrigible. I slam the phone in his chest before pushing him away from me. Even standing in his proximity makes me want to barf.

“Someone sends you a photo of me talking to a guy, and that makes you think I am cheating on you. How little faith do you have in me, Mark? We have been together for years, but ever since Dominic has come into our lives, you think I am going to cheat on you. How insecure are you? Dominic was just trying to console me because I didn’t want to go back to Chicago.”

He takes a step further towards me and the look on his face is absolutely terrifying.

“Why? Chicago is our home. Why would you not want to go back if there isn’t anything going on between you and Dominic?”

“You act like everything was good back in Chicago, as if everything was fine between us but you and I both know our relationship—if you can even call it that—was in shambles and you never put in effort to fix it. Chicago isn’t my home anymore, Mark. New York is.”

His face changes the moment he understands what I am trying to say. Or so I think.

“I am tired of pretending that I am okay with whatever the hell this situation is. I am tired of settling for less. I know I am not happy with you. I know you are not happy with me, so why are we forcing each other to be together?”

“Don’t give me your crap,” he says and I sigh. He is never going to understand. “I know what you are trying to hide. I know what you have been doing behind my back.”

“You have so little faith in me and this relationship, so why are you so persistent about us being together?”

He stays silent for a minute. I know he is just holding onto his ego at the moment. There’s not one good reason why we should be in this relationship. Unfortunately, time means nothing when there’s no respect in any relationship. And based on how he is looking at me now, how he is throwing accusations at me in public for doing something I would have never done—no matter my feelings for Dominic—makes it crystal clear what he thinks of me.

“Because I am not a loser like you who runs off the moment things get difficult. I won’t throw away years we spent together because of a third person.”

I chuckle, all hollow like the person standing in front of me.

“You know what, Mark?” I say, “You don’t want a girlfriend. You don’t want a partner. You want a trophy you can parade around at your stupid corporate events. You want a person waiting for you at home, doing all the things for you. You just want a person to sleep with and I am no longer willing to be that person for you, especially when I dislike it.”

I take a deep breath before continuing.

“I won’t fill in the shoes you want me to. I am done being disrespected in this whole relationship. You have been such a shitty boyfriend to me, and I am done acting like it doesn’t affect me. You have disrespected me and my career for so long, and I refuse to let it happen now. I know I deserve better than you, and I am not going to stop for anything less now.”

“So you are sleeping with that asshole?” He says angrily, and I so want to do something so terrible right now.

“Take his name with some respect. You couldn’t even be an inch of the man he is,” I snap, pushing against his chest angrily. “And I am not sleeping with him. I have never slept with him, and I have never cheated on you with him because I happen to have some dignity. But I can’t say the same for you.”

I glare at him one last time and grab my suitcase. I am not leaving with him anymore after being disrespected like this.

“We are over and you know what Mark? You actually make me wish I had cheated on you with him.”

“What does that make of you then? You know what we call people like you?”

“I’m sorry, Mark, but I can’t find a single fuck to give about you or your opinion. We’re over. I’m not coming with you to Chicago. Instead, I’m going back to the one person who respects me more than anyone else.”

I don’t wait to hear what more bullshit he yells at me once I turn around to leave. I am fuming as I take hurried steps towards the main street to grab a taxi. Tears prick at the corner of my eyes, but I don’t let them fall. Not because I didn’t want to break up with him. But because I never thought that the one person I spent most of my life with would turn out to be like this—that he would never respect me.

I used to think that even if there was no more love between us, there at least was mutual respect.

But turns out he never did. Turns out he was just the kind of man I hated, and I kept pretending that I was in love with him.

I put my luggage in the taxi before sliding in myself and before taking out my phone.

There are several texts from Aisha and Summer, telling me to let them know once I have boarded the plane.