Page 123 of Mommy

The only problem is, there’s a huge difference between knowing something needs to be done right and actually being able to do it. The silence that stretches out between me and Ivory is loaded with unsaid accusations.

I don’t even know where to start explaining. I wish I could just skip this part, and have her to myself again and be happy with her.

“You weren’t surrendering her?”

I shake my head, and prepare myself for her reaction to my next words.

“I’m sorry I fucked up, Ivory.”

I wait for her to say the things that are on her mind. I wait for her to tell me that I’m an asshole and that she doesn’t want to speak with me, but nothing comes.

Ivory is just looking up at me, her lips pressed together into a thin line. Her anger however? Nowhere to be seen. Only sadness swims in her eyes.

I’m ready to take the blame for what happened, I know I should’ve done better. Why isn’t she angry anymore?

“Ivy, please.” I would prefer it if she yelled at me. It would be easier to make her forgive me if she was just angry, but she’s sad. I don’t know how to fix sad.

“How have you been?”

What?

“I— it’s all right.” That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever told. I’ve never felt more lost and lonely in my entire life. Not even the day my mom left compares to this because back then, at least it hadn’t been my fault. “How are you?”

My hand tightens around the leash and my eyes search her face, anticipating her answer.

“All right,” she lies.

I missed you.

Please come back.

I’m sorry.

Please let me fix this.

The words hover on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t have the breath to push them past my lips.

“How are the puppies?”

“Good.” I’m thankful she is pushing the conversation in another direction. “They’re good.”

I know, logically, I should want to fix it, but I don’t. I just want it to be fixed.

“Can we play house tonight?”

It takes my spinning mind a moment to process and make sense of her question.

She isn’t looking at me, and instead her eyes have fallen to Posie’s form on the floor.

“Of course!” I blurt out, my head nodding. It feels like there’s a boulder falling from my chest.

It still feels a little off, but as soon as she steps closer, my arms open for her. She falls against my chest, her arms wrapping around my middle.

Somewhere deep inside of me, I know I still need to fix this. But I bury that thought, I lock it away and let myself breathe in her scent instead. I get lost in having her in my arms again. I pretend the problem is already fixed, because…that’s what we’ve always done. Pretend.

Chapter sixty two

Ivory