Page 6 of Coastal Rewind

My intention was never to be a ghost in this family, but it was what I had become. I was so used to the distance that the time in between blurred—or I just disassociated for six months.

Probably not a healthy coping mechanism.

“I’m so glad you feel that way because we actually planned my baby shower for tomorrow so you could be there.”

I pulled back and cupped her cheeks in my hands. “Of course, I’ll be there for you. I’ll always show up for you.”

A few stray tears streamed down her face as she nodded.

I didn’t exactly have expectations for this weekend, but out of all the scenarios I’d run through in my head, attend your younger sister’s baby shower wasn’t on the list. I was supposed to tell them I was officially giving up on my dreams of starting a family. This was going to be the weekend I came clean.

The thing I knew now was that I couldn’t be the cause of any additional stress for her. After she had this baby, then we could sit down as a family and I would voice my truth.

Until then, I could be the free-living, spirited oldest sister I always pretended to be.

two

Mason

“Is there going to be a theme? I love themes. Do you think it will be dinosaurs? Oh! Maybe it will be clowns. People don’t like clowns, but I think they’re cool.”

MJ didn’t take a single breath as he continued listing different themes he thought would be fun for a baby shower. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that clowns were horrifying and definitely not the vibe for this event.

I didn’t want to crush his little creative soul.

My best friend Nolan invited us to his sister’s baby shower today. I’d met all the Kellys in recent years, and they’d become close friends of mine. The more time I spent with them, the more it solidified what I already knew—they were a picture-perfect family.

We pulled into the parking lot of the beach club and I cut the engine before turning to face my son.

“Okay, little man, are you ready?” I asked, swallowing the nerves I always had when taking him to events alone.

“Yes!” he shouted, practically vibrating in his seat. “I can’t wait to see Nolan. And Maeve. And Maggie. And Keegan. Do you think Ryleigh will be here?”

“Only one way to find out.”

I laughed as I got out of the car and opened the passenger door so I could unhook MJ from his booster seat. He climbed out and laced his fingers with mine before marching toward the beach club with unmatched confidence.

I wasn’t sure where he got his sense of self, but I had never seen a six-year-old with more self-assurance. MJ pushed through the front doors and immediately started jumping when he saw the event welcome sign.

“Jungle! That’s a good one, Dad.” His smile was bright as he dropped my hand and bolted through the doorway that was surrounded by green, tan, and cheetah printed balloons.

“Little man!” Nolan shouted as MJ launched himself into his arms. Nolan scooped him up and spun in a circle as MJ giggled. I could feel the smile that took over my face as I took them in. MJ didn’t have a lot of family in his life so having friends who loved having him around was a blessing.

I stuck my hand out for Nolan to slap in a silent hello. He kept MJ in his arms as he gestured over to the bar, signaling for me to get a drink and letting me know he had MJ long enough for me to take a breather.

I nodded back and turned to approach the bar. I ordered a whiskey on the rocks and leaned my forearms on the marble counter, taking a deep breath. These days, I rarely got out and about to socialize. MJ and I mostly kept to ourselves and stayed home, or drove up to visit my parents in Fresno. The older he got, the harder it became to keep him occupied. I was selfish for time with him.

I was the starting pitcher for the Los Angeles Sparrows baseball team, which meant that for about six months of the year I was on the road or working almost every night. For those months, I was lucky to be home for bedtime or to get a FaceTime call during dinner. It was hard but we managed fairly well with the help of my parents.

A pair of small arms rested on the counter next to mine, and I froze when I spotted the delicate vine tattoo that wrapped around the girl’s forearm. A tattoo I knew belonged to Ryleigh Kelly.

“Hey, Superstar,” she said, prompting me to look up into her bright hazel eyes.

“Hey.” I nodded stiffly just as my drink was placed in front of me.

She smiled brightly and leaned across the bar to order a glass of champagne. When it was placed in front of her, she wrapped her dainty hand around the stem and floated away as gracefully as she had come.

I leaned my back against the bar and watched her as she threw her head back on a laugh with her sisters. Ryleigh Kelly was unlike any woman I’d ever met in my life. At first glance, she looked like someone who did yoga every morning and gathered around her crystals at night, but the moment she opened her mouth it was all sarcasm and wit.