Page 79 of Coastal Rewind

“That’s the one adventure I’ll never get.”

“I know this is hard on you, and I will never truly understand your experience or your mother’s, but I will say there are a lot of ways to be a parent and you shouldn’t close yourself off to them because you’re scared.”

“Was Mom scared?”

“Fucking terrified.”

A laugh bubbled out of me and I looked over at him.

“I admire you so much, Ry. You never settled for anything you don’t want. You live your life freely and still show up every time one of your siblings need you. You stress so much about not fitting in, but, sweetie, you’re the glue that holds it all together. None of those kids in there would be who they are without you.”

I looked down and started fidgeting with my fingers. Is he right?

Maybe I felt different from my siblings because I wasn’t supposed to feel the same. I was supposed to go out and see what there was to offer, and then I was meant to come back home and be the support my siblings needed.

The funny part was that my mom lived her life how she wanted and paid the price for it anyway. She was the golden example of everything I wanted to be—the blueprint of my dreams. But I didn’t want to meet that fate.

I refused to be beaten and leave these wonderful people I loved with my entire heart behind.

Rule #3 Don’t live your life to meet other people’s standards.

Not even hers.

thirty-three

Mason

I parked my SUV in front of the sports arena and waited for MJ to walk out the front doors. I got home this morning from an away trip so he had no idea I was the one picking him up today.

Some people might have been relieved to have someone like Ryleigh to always pick him up, but I enjoyed the mundane tasks of day-to-day life with him. The little things were a luxury I often missed out on.

I was grateful to have her, but I wanted to be the one who got to care for him.

He pushed through the front doors and my heart fell at the sight of his red-rimmed eyes. When he saw me sitting in the front seat, he didn’t smile like I expected him to. His face fell and he looked like he was going to burst into tears. I opened my car door and approached him quickly, bending at my knees so were at eye level.

“Are you okay?” My hands landed on his arms and I did an assessment looking for bruises or injuries.

He nodded but didn’t look me in the eyes. “Where’s Ryleigh?”

“She’s out with her sisters, bud. I thought we could hang out just the two of us.”

“Fine.” His voice was harsh as he pushed past me and opened the car door. This behavior was completely unlike him, and I was officially worried.

We drove home in silence. When I tried to ask any questions about his day I was met with grunts and scoffs instead of his usual incessant talking about every single person he spoke to that day.

When we walked into the house, he marched to his room and slammed the door shut behind him. I winced at the sound that was so foreign in this house. I found myself pacing in the kitchen, wondering if I should call Ryleigh and ask her to come home to help.

No. This was my responsibility.

I started getting used to having someone around that could share the weight of raising MJ, but at the end of the day he was my son. Ryleigh could disappear into thin air. She could disappear at the end of the summer. This was my job, and my job alone.

I took a deep breath and walked up to his door. I knocked twice before twisting the doorknob and peeking my head inside. MJ was sitting on the little window seat, hugging his knees in the exact same way Ryleigh did when she was anxious or upset.

He didn’t look up at me when I sat next to him. I wasn’t sure how to really approach this. MJ was rarely ever in a bad mood. When he got upset, it was because he wanted ice cream before dinner or he wanted to swim on a rare day where it rained.

Ryleigh had told me about the bullying he’d been facing with his peers, but MJ didn’t know that I knew. He didn’t say anything to me about it and now something was clearly bothering him.

I cleared my throat. “Do you want to talk about it?”