Page 24 of When The Noise Stops

"Progress!" Everybody yelled it, including Avril. Including Diane. It was our thing: progress, even when it felt like we were moving backward. I told them more about Grizz and his friends.

"Sounds like a good man," Diane said. She was older, with silver hair. She'd been coming to the meetings for seven years. Her husband was still in prison; he'd nearly beaten her and her son to death. The son committed suicide afterward. She lived with what happened to both of them like it was something she'd caused, and nobody could convince her otherwise. But at least she showed up and was trying to heal the best way she knew how.

"He is," I said.

"But I don't know what to do with that."

"You don't have to do anything."

I nodded.

The meeting ended. I hugged Diane. Hugged a few others. Walked out into the bright afternoon sun feeling hollowed out.

It always happened like this. The meetings took everything out of me. I'd talk and talk and talk, and by the end, there was nothing left. Listening to other people's grief always left a residue.

Instead of going to the bakery, I drove home. Parked. Sat in my car for a minute, staring at nothing.

I walked past his door, keys in hand.

It opened.

Knox stood there. Arms crossed. Watching me.

"You sat in your car for damn near an hour. You want to talk about it?" he asked.

I shook my head.

He stepped back and held the door open.

"Come in and let's not talk."

I went inside.

We sat on opposite sides of the couch—me curled into the corner, knees up, arms wrapped around myself; him on the other end, big and solid, not touching me.

I could feel him watching. Could feel his eyes on my face.

We sat like that for a long time.

"I go to meetings," I finally said.

"A domestic violence group. Like AA, but for women who've been shot at like me—some beaten and burned."

He didn't say anything. Just listened.

"It helps. Most of the time. But sometimes..." I trailed off, shrugged.

"It just makes me feel tired."

He nodded.

I looked at him. Really looked.

"You ever been tired in your bones?"

He was quiet for a long moment. Then he nodded.

"Yeah."