Page 110 of The Doctors Will See You Now

That was bullshit even to my own ears, but I went with it—to protect myself from him and to protect him from the mess inside my head.

His jaw dropped wide open, and a hint of anger tinged his already tired voice. “I’m not Eli.”

“I know you’re not, but—”

“But what?” he questioned in irritation. “You know I’m not him, but you’re using your ex-boyfriend’s fuck-ups against me anyway?”

Everything I’d been working so hard to contain bubbled up and boiled over.

“No,” I said in a hostile tone. “I’m using your fuck-ups against you.”

Outrage covered his face. “When did I fuck up?”

“I saw the episode, Will,” I enlightened, and his back stiffened. “You know, the one where you and Emily stepped into the call room for a little afternoon delight.”

“No, actually,” he smarted. “I don’t know. You know I’ve never had any fucking clue what they’re going to air on the show or when they’re going to air it.”

“That’s not why it upset me, Will!” I shouted back. “You had more than enough opportunity to be open and honest with me about what happened during filming,” I said through gritted teeth. “But even after I’d told you that it was making me really uncomfortable to have to watch you flirt with nurses on the show and witness the parade of flirtatious patients stroll in the office, you never told me you slept with one.” I paused, a horrifying thought occurring to me. “Or more.”

“Jesus,” he muttered. “I don’t give a fuck about anyone but you. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see that I’m in love with you?” he asked and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I don’t want anyone else but you, Melody. You’re all I care about.”

“Your actions speak louder than your words, Will.”

“What in the hell do you mean by that?”

“If you cared about me so much, you would’ve acknowledged my feelings, and you would’ve made damn sure that I knew what happened during filming. You wouldn’t have left me in the dark and let me get railroaded by it. I had to watch you…” Tears clogged my throat as I remembered it. “…on your fucking television, have sex with someone else. I had to hear it. Your moans. Her moans. All of it.”

“God,” he whispered, clearly tortured by the sound of my voice. “I’m so sorry, Mel. That’s…” He paused, seemingly at a loss for words, and I answered for him.

“Fucking awful,” I answered for him.

“But, Mel, I didn’t know they filmed it. Of course I would have told you—”

“And you know what’s even worse?” I asked, cutting off words I knew were an outright lie. “What’s worse is when watching someone like that is how you find out that the one person you love can lie so fucking easily.”

“What? When did I lie? What are you talking about?”

“Patient exam room six, Will,” I explained, but he still didn’t understand. “You know, that day you’d pulled me inside that empty room to have sex. The day you’d told me that you’d never done something like that at work. Do you remember that day, Will? I know I can’t get it out of my fucking head.” I mocked his words by lowering my voice into a poor example of his own. “Never.”

He stared back at me with a plethora of emotions in his eyes. Sadness. Apology. Fear.

But I couldn’t find an ounce of sympathy for him in that moment.

“A relationship needs honesty,” I said, and he started to interject. But I held my hand in the air and continued. “I’m sorry, Will. I just can’t do it. I can’t be in a relationship with you.”

In that moment, I wasn’t sure what hurt more, Will breaking my heart or my having to end things with a man I’d honestly thought I would spend the rest of my life with.

“So…that’s it?” he questioned and stared at me with an ocean full of hurt in his eyes. “You’re just walking away without giving me a chance to explain? You’re just giving up?”

I’m not giving up. I’m saving myself.

I had been able to leave my relationship with Eli unscathed. But I felt like if I stayed with Will, I was playing Russian roulette with my heart. And I knew he had the power to hurt me past the point of no return.

“I’m sorry, Will,” I repeated, and before I could talk myself out of my next decision, I added, “Today will be my last day at work. Consider this my official resignation.”

A shocked gasp left his lips, and I couldn’t find the strength to meet his eyes.

Instead, without another word, I kept my head angled toward the ground and left his office.