Page 323 of The Doctors Will See You Now

Strengthening my resolve to make sure it was all out in the open—every fucking last bit of it—I repeated myself. “I said, I followed you. Here. To your apartment.”

“You fucking followed me? From where? How? I don’t understand.”

“Yes. From the restaurant. You told me where you were. Not understanding is definitely reasonable, and I’m sorry,” I rattled off, addressing each of her questions as well as I could.

“But this was a conversation I needed to have in person.” She didn’t know what conversation I was talking about, but flustered, I rushed past that detail. “And you’ve been cagey about where you live for no reason, Harlow.”

She glared and took three rapid steps to the end of the hall that led into her living room, but I kept on. “I know what I did today isn’t healthy. I know it’s fucking ridiculous, okay? But I put my dick in you on the regular! How can you not trust me enough to know where you live?”

“Whoops. Excuse us.” Mystified, we both swiveled our heads immediately to the couch.

“Dad?” Harlow screamed just as I caught sight of my mom’s bare breasts.

“Oh Jesus Christ,” I cried.

“What are you doing here?” she shouted toward them—our parents, our fucking naked parents.

What was happening?

And more than that, it appeared everyone else knew where she lived to the point of using her place for conjugal fucking visits.

“I guess other people know where you live,” I muttered softly, but she heard me. Oh, the death rays burning from her eyes were proof of that. Meanwhile, Bill was covering himself and my mother with a blanket.

“Scott,” Harlow snapped. “Not now. Jesus Christ, one thing at a time, okay?”

And she was right, obviously. The naked parents on the couch took precedence, so I did my best to shut the fuck up.

“Dad,” Harlow said again, gritting her teeth in search of patience. “What are you doing here? Naked? On my fucking couch?”

I reached out and squeezed her shoulder in support, but she shook it off.

I guessed that was fair too.

“We’re supposed to meet your mother and Jean-Pierre soon. A stroll through Central Park.”

“And?” Harlow put a demanding hand to her hip. “This situation definitely warrants an and, followed up by an actual explanation.”

“And I got nervous,” my mom piped up. I leaned over Harlow’s shoulder to glare at her, but she pressed on, unfazed. “I know how important they are to your father, and well, I’d like to make a good impression.”

Harlow sighed. “Still not seeing how this brings us here. With you guys naked in my apartment.”

My mom shrugged. “Orgasms tend to calm me.”

Oh Jesus Christ.

“Your apartment was close,” Bill finished. “When we got here and it was empty, we figured we’d be quick.”

“Good Lord, no more details, please,” Harlow requested with her gaze firmly placed on the wall. “And I’m really regretting giving you that spare key, Dad.”

I stepped in to assist. “Look, guys, we’ll give you a minute to get dressed, but it’s safe to say this isn’t exactly appropriate.”

Bill had the good grace to wince. My mother’s stubbornness kicked in. “I don’t know, son. Looks like this might be an example of the stalking pot calling the kettle inappropriate.”

Count on Nicole fucking Shepard to call me on my shit.

“Gee, thanks, Mom.” It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her that Linda wasn’t always up in my shit, but even in the midst of her naked hijinks, that seemed like a low blow.

“Scott,” Harlow interjected. “Let’s go outside and talk.”