Page 430 of The Doctors Will See You Now

I jumped as the alarm I’d set on my phone to end what I knew would be a breakfast filled with reckless daydreaming went off. A full bowl of soggy cereal in the garbage and a quick rinse to the dish later, I walked down the hall to my closet, opened the top drawer, and pulled out my dirty little secret.

Swirls of pink and lavender covering the soft fabric, Charlotte’s favorite sleep top still held her essence perfectly. With it firmly to my face, I inhaled, closed my eyes, and imagined for just a moment that she was inside it, sending me off with a smile and a kiss after a night spent with her in my arms.

Unfortunately, when I opened my eyes to nothing more than an empty shirt and a pathetic sense of self, a further void unbolted inside me and threatened to swallow everyone I made contact with today whole.

Get ready, folks, I thought, mentally hooking a thumb toward myself. This jackal is going nuclear.

My movement was violent as I slammed the shirt back in the drawer and shoved it closed, growling to myself about what a stupid asshole I was.

“Idiotic. Fucking romantic-hearted, stupidly fucking naïve.”

My gums ached as I scrubbed sadistically with my toothbrush and tortured myself with thoughts of Charlotte and trivia night and how fun it would have been to take Lexi to one together. How good she would have been at it and how redeemed I would have been in Charlotte’s eyes. How fucking impossible it all was thanks to our imperfectly intertwined past and a surely rocky relationship between the mother of my child and my girlfriend.

Ex-girlfriend.

Motherfucker.

My relationship with Remy wasn’t perfect by any means, but I’d finally broken some ground with him—I’d seen it in his eyes when I’d picked up Lexi two weeks ago. But I knew him and I knew Charlotte, and I knew there was no way he’d be okay with me being with her forever after losing her himself.

And if it came down to a battle between the two of us for time with Lexi, regardless of the fact that I was her natural father, I knew Remy would win. He had time and reliability on his side, a steadiness I couldn’t claim—and a blood relation to the woman who made the decisions.

I’d done the right thing ending things with Charlotte. It was the mature decision, the adult one—the one that kept my daughter firmly in my life.

So why does it have to feel so wrong?

Swinging my jacket over my shoulders and sliding my arms through, I finished getting dressed and stalked out of my apartment, only to realize I’d forgotten my phone. Back in to procure it, and out again, and if possible, my mood had only gone downhill from where it started this morning.

A few more notches and the depths of the core of the earth were going to start burning me.

It was good I’d gone back for it, though, the cadence of my ringtone jarring me out of my reverie as I climbed into a cab.

Trust me, this was no morning for the subway. I was liable to get into an altercation and end up in prison, and that sure as fuck wouldn’t help anything.

Winnie’s name scrolled on my screen as I quickly gave the cab driver my destination and settled into my seat, so I swiped to answer and put the phone to my ear, eyebrows drawn. It was only six in the morning, an excruciatingly early time for Winnie to be calling me, and my heart sank with worry for my daughter.

“Win? Is Lexi okay?” I asked immediately.

“Yeah, she’s fine.” She paused. “God, sorry. I didn’t even think about what calling this early would seem like.”

“No problem,” I said. “I’m just glad everything’s okay.”

Her voice turned cautious. “Well…Lexi is okay. But maybe not everything.”

Worry once again clutched at my chest as visions of her finding out about Charlotte and taking away Lexi assaulted my mind. Oh God.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, the normal, steady timbre of my voice shaky to even my own ears.

She sighed and apologized again. “I’m sorry. That’s not fair either. Everything is fine, it’s just…I finally caught an episode of Will Cummings on The Doctor Is In on Tuesday.”

Those were already airing? Christ.

“And?”

“You haven’t seen it?”

Oh, me? I’d been too busy numbing myself from the world with work. “No. I haven’t seen it.”

“They painted him in an awful light. He comes off as a pervert and obscene and completely unprofessional. I obviously know Will, and I know these things to be untrue, but I’m worried, Nick. What if they do the same thing to you? What’s that going to do to Lexi? You think kids at school aren’t going to give her a hard time? Even more of a hard time?”