Page 435 of The Doctors Will See You Now

We had been together when they’d first started to film his episodes. I knew they’d gotten me on camera more than once.

Jesus, what would Winnie or Remy do if they found out that Nick and I had been in a relationship at one point?

I hadn’t spoken with him in weeks and weeks, but I couldn’t stop myself from grabbing my phone out of my purse and sending him a text message.

Me: I’m watching Will’s episode and…just…God, I’m sorry, Nick. I’m really, really sorry.

Brief. To the point. But still caring to its core. He sent a response a minute later.

Nick: It’s not your fault, sweetheart.

His message only made me miss him more.

As it turns out, it wasn’t such a good idea to become friends with Will Cummings.

He was a good guy and all, and he definitely made me laugh the few times we’d gone out for drinks after work, but he’d also been the one to rope me into this event.

Beards for Bab(i)es.

His girlfriend Melody had a free women’s clinic at St. Luke’s, and they needed more funds to continue their endeavor of providing free healthcare to women in need. As someone in the field, I knew how it worked—how much free medical care really cost—and it didn’t come cheap. I only had experience with one other clinic that did pro bono work, a gender nonspecific place in Palo Alto, California. They had benefits every few months, such was the demand on their cash flow.

So I’d done my part, growing my beard—something the now emotionally hollow version of me didn’t mind at all—and I’d shown up tonight despite not wanting to.

It’d almost been three months since Charlotte and I broke up, and no matter how much I wished for it, it never got easier.

My life felt like a fuse, burning along on its way to a bomb—my episodes of the show.

Scott’s were airing now, and after watching a fair number of them, I knew I was fucked.

Just like they’d caught Will sneaking into an on call room with a nurse, I knew they’d have footage of Charlotte and me, and I knew at least some of it would place us in compromising positions.

Once it was in the national spotlight, there’d be no avoiding the consequences of her past with Remy and the fallout of what he and Winnie might feel as a result.

Speaking of…

“Hey, Win,” I greeted, careful to keep my hands firmly off of her in all aspects as Wes looked on from behind. He’d settled into a peaceful observance of me on most days, but I had a feeling he wouldn’t like a visual reminder of a time when I’d had my hands all over his now wife—graciously trusting person or not.

If it were me, with Charlotte, I knew I wouldn’t.

Honestly, that was the twisted part. One of the hardest things of the whole breakup for me had been my inability to stop picturing her with Remy. Every time I saw him, I felt irrationally jealous and territorial. The woman wasn’t his anymore, hadn’t been for a long time—in fact, that was the actual issue—and she certainly wasn’t mine. Still, it burned.

“Dr. Nick Raines,” she said with a smile. “You’re looking just about as miserable as ever.”

I smiled dryly. “Thanks.”

“I just thought you’d cheer up at some point. This is bordering on ridiculous. I’m wondering what kind of charms this mystery ex-girlfriend held to keep you so wrapped up.”

I bit my lip and shook my head instead of getting into it.

I didn’t have anything sturdy enough to clean up that can of worms.

Not only was it never good to tell the woman it didn’t work out with all the things you liked about the one with which you wished it did, it really wasn’t a good idea to get into anything specific about Charlotte. Lord only knew what Winnie remembered from back then.

“Listen,” I said, my brain bleeding the blood my heart was furiously beating through it as I thought about what I was about to ask. It was quite possibly the stupidest thing I’d ever considered doing, and yet, here I was doing it.

Winnie moved in a little closer as I lowered my voice, her eyes openly curious and assessing.

“What happened with Remy and his fiancé?”