Page 73 of The Doctors Will See You Now

I smiled, turning to kiss her on the cheek before whispering back into her ear, “Trust me, that doesn’t matter at all.”

“Anyway, how great would it be to have Big Dick Junior share a birthday with his dad?” Cassie went on.

“Would you stop?” Georgia shouted. “My baby is a girl! She doesn’t have a dick, big or small, for shit’s sake.”

“Meh.” Cassie shrugged. “I’m not convinced.”

“It’s a girl!”

“I’ll wait until Big Dick’s birthday to find out.”

“My baby isn’t coming that early!” Georgia continued to shout.

“Relax, George,” I advised. “Calm is better for the baby.”

She took a deep breath, smoothing the air down with her hands like it would actually help her calm herself.

And then a gleam entered her eye.

“Oh my God, I know!” Gigi squeaked excitedly, bouncing up and down like a teenager. My eyes shot to her stomach. Okay, a pregnant teenager. “You guys should come over to my house tomorrow to watch the new episode of Dr. Obscene.”

That little fucking schemer. I bet that’s why she’d wanted me to come to lunch in the first place—so she could force me into another horrific family gathering for one of my episodes. She knew seeing her all pitiful and pregnant made it harder to say no.

“Ugh,” I groaned. “Don’t call it that.”

“Why, William?” Cassie cooed seductively. “You can’t fool us.”

Melody’s eyes shot back and forth between Cassie and me in question, and I shook my head no. No. Sure, I’d joked about a fictitious affair between her and me in the past as a means to get under Georgia’s skin, but there was a little too much crazy in her recipe for me. Too much spice and I broke out in a sweat.

“But seriously,” George implored, grabbing on to Melody’s hand and squeezing. “You guys have to come! Please, please, please! You can’t say no to a pregnant woman.”

“You really can’t,” Winnie advised with a shake of her head. “I tried, like, three times when she invited me to this lunch. And yet, here I sit. Eating.”

I groaned. “Mel?”

She shook her head, but what I took away overall was her smile. “I guess we’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

After a twenty-minute drive through some seriously rich people suburbia, Will pulled the car up in front of his sister’s New Jersey home. As soon as the engine’s growl quieted to the tick of a hot car cooling, I unbuckled my seat belt and started to open the door, but I didn’t get far before Will reacted.

“Wait,” he urged and wrapped his fingers around my elbow. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

I dropped my hand away from the door handle and looked at him inquisitively. “Ready for what, exactly?” I asked, curious as to what he could think I wasn’t prepared for at this point. The vagina-shake, the nipple display, Marlene, Melissa, the vajazzling, Cassie at lunch yesterday… I wasn’t sure how much worse it could get.

He sighed the beleaguered sigh of someone who knew better than I did that there was always something worse around the corner.

“My parents are going to be here tonight.”

I knew that. Georgia had called him earlier to let him know. In his words, another layer to her fucking onion of a scheme.

“Yeah…I’m meeting your parents tonight…” I paused for a moment and searched his eyes for an explanation. “It all sounds pretty straightforward to me.”

He shook his head slightly. “Nothing is straightforward with Dick and Savannah.”

The stressed-out expression on his face pushed a slight giggle from my lips.

“Don’t laugh,” he said, but the faint smirk on his lips betrayed his words.

“I’m not laughing.”