Page 129 of Salto

A myriad of emotions passed through me. I couldn't make sense of them. Not yet. They all felt too volatile.

I settled on disappointment.

“She’ll come around,” my dad said. “I really believe that.”

I nodded, hoping they were right. That this was just a phase or something and that the old Jamie would somehow resurface again.

“Don’t stress too much, sweetie. It’s going to be okay,” my mom said softly, squeezing my hand once more before letting go.

I had a hard time focusing on any part of the conversation after that. I found myself spacing out, staring at the grain in the wooden table or the lights on the back porch, thinking about Jamie and where she might be.

All the happy, exciting feelings from the U.S Classic had completely dissipated. And all I could do for the rest of the night was hope that my little sister would be okay.

CHAPTER 45

Iwas all sorts of distracted when we drove back to Carlsbad on Monday morning.

After leaving my parents' house and getting back to the hotel, I’d barely slept, and then my alarm was going off, and we were driving home at seven in the morning.

The whole bus ride home I couldn’t seem to stop overthinking everything my parents had told me about Jamie.

Was it really just a one-time thing? A one-time mistake? Or was she involved with something deeper?

I felt sick.

I picked up my phone to text Jamie multiple times. But I didn’t know what to say; my emotions were too muddled.

When we got back to the gym, I said goodbye to Lexi as we parted ways, but I think she could tell something was off because she stopped me on my way to my car.

“You alright, Scarlet?”

“Yeah,” I hurried to say, forcing a smile. “I’m good. Just tired.”

She didn't look entirely convinced, but she nodded. “Well, if you feel up for it later, a few of the guys and I are going to Marco’s Pizza tonight if you want to come. Let me know.” She gestured to my phone. “Can I give you my number?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” I assumed the guys meant the only male gymnasts I knew in relation to her—the ones I'd met at the Vanta party, plus Rove. I wasn't really up for socializing right now, but I nodded anyway to be polite and numbly handed her my phone.

She saved her number, gave me a wink, and said, “Maybe I’ll see you later.” Then she walked away.

I made it to my car and didn’t even play music on the ride home. My mind was too preoccupied with what my parents had said about Jamie to care about much else.

When I got back to my apartment, I climbed the seven flights to my tower and tossed my things onto the couch. I looked around the empty space, unsure what I was supposed to do with myself for the rest of the day.

All I really wanted was to go to the gym. I wanted to work out until my lungs burned, until my body was shaking. Anything to rid myself of whatever emotions were coursing through me. But I knew that wasn’t going to happen. If Vanta caught me, I’d be kicked off the team for sure. Caldwell might let me get away with working out in the gym during closing hours, but that wouldn’t fly here.

I gritted my teeth and stood up. I decided to clean.

I washed my laundry from the short weekend, then went into the bathroom, scrubbed the floors, deep-cleaned the shower head, the toilet, the sink, and the baseboards. Then I went into the kitchen and started scrubbing the oven grates and pulling out the fridge to vacuum behind it.

By the time seven rolled around, I was exhausted from the cleaning spree.

Some of the pent-up frustration and emotions had been expelled. But the knot in my chest had only slightly eased.

I reached for my phone again.

Should I text her? My parents said not to worry. But I was.

I looked around my insanely clean apartment, then out at the balcony and the ocean. A sudden urge to seek it out like a lifeline came over me.