Page 49 of The Holiday Makeover

“I want to see that man. Be that man. But it’s not that simple. I can’t just up and leave my show. People depend on me to make it work. Crewmembers, production assistants . . . and I actually love what I do.” Yes, I loved it more when I was doing it with Rory, but regardless, I wasn’t ready to walk away from what I’d worked so hard for.

“I know,” Rory breathed out. “And you should love it. You’re good at what you do. Nothing about this situation is simple. And I’m not asking you to leave your show or even move back here. I won’t have that on my conscience. And I know you don’t want that. All I’m trying to say is, you put too much stock in what people think of you. And you’ll never be happy doing that. You’ll never be happy with me either.”

“Hey.” I pulled her hands up to my heart and pressed them against my chest. “You make me happy, Rory. You always have.”

“Until I didn’t.”

It came out as a whisper, but it hit like a hammer.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, to make her trust that this time would be different.

But she beat me to the punch. “Tate, all I’m trying to say is, I’m not the key to your happiness. You are. That’s not me saying I don’t want to be part of your life. I just don’t know that you’ll be happy anywhere until you’re happy here,” she said, pressing her palm to my heart.

Ouch. That hurt. But she wasn’t wrong to say it.

“Are you happy in LA?” she hesitated to ask.

That was a good question. I looked up at the starry sky like it might hand me the answer. Obviously, things weren’t going as well as I’d hoped. But I loved my place on the beach. Sure, it wasn’t exactly homey, and it lacked Rory. On the upside, LA was definitely warmer.

Though you’d be hard pressed to find a more beautiful place than Aspen Lake in the winter or any time of year. But I’d made unreal connections in LA. And in some ways, I could disappear there when I wanted to. It offered me refuge at times. Tiny moments where no one knew what a disappointment I was. Then at other times, it felt like the town itself broadcast my failures.

I lowered my head and met Rory’s big blue eyes, patiently waiting for my response. “It’s complicated.”

She tapped my nose and grinned. “I figured.”

“Is that your way of saying I’m hopeless?”

“You’re not hopeless, Tate. You never were. I just don’t know how we make this work. You want glitz and glamor, and I want this.” She waved her hand around, showcasing the winter wonderland.

“You want to freeze your butt off?” I teased her.

“Maybe,” she giggled, before she said in a whisper, “I want home, Tate. Especially now that Coco’s gone. I just want home.”

“Home is what you’ll have, then,” I promised, knowing she meant more than just Aspen Lake. And knowing I wasn’t sure how to give her everything she wanted and deserved. “We’ll figure it out—together.”

“I’d like that,” she choked out. “You know, on a trial basis.” She smirked.

I wanted to kiss that smirk right off her face. She must have known, because she didn’t give me the chance.

She lithely popped up. “Come on, Ryder, let me show you I can still beat you down the hill.”

I stood as well and chuckled. “You beat me once in the eighth grade, and you cheated by distracting me before you said, Go.”

She slapped a hand over her chest, pretending to be highly affronted. “I would never cheat.”

Don’t let her protestations fool you. The girl—and the woman—knew how to cheat. “All I have to say to you is UNO marathon, Christmas break in sixth grade.”

Even in the dark, with her already-red cheeks, she blushed. “I didn’t mean to spill that two-liter bottle of soda all over the cards. And for all you know, I had a draw four in my hand, so you wouldn’t have won anyway.”

I snort laughed. “You dumped half the bottle into my lap.”

“That was gravity.”

“And then what happened to the twelve cards that were in your hand? A space-time continuum shift?”

Rory’s eyes lit up. “I mean, maybe. You can’t fault physics.”

“No, but I can fault you.”