Page 65 of Thirst

“I'm not a threat to your existence,” he says. “And you don't have to fear me. Ever.”

I try to fight the sensation I feel taking over my body, but the warmth fills me up and I believe every word he says. My fear evaporates, but my anger remains.

“Stop it,” I bark. “You're controlling me. I don't know how, but I want you to stop. I'm not even afraid anymore when I know I should be.”

“I apologize,” he says. “But if you're scared, you won't listen, and I need you to. Can we please just sit. If I leave, you’ll never get the answers that are overwhelming you. Please, just let me explain.”

I take a deep breath, waiting for the anxiety to return, but it doesn't. He took it out of me like a surgeon removing cancer. I'm healed of it, so it can't stop me from nodding my head and leading us over to the couch. We sit down and turn our knees toward each other. I swallow hard, internally rattling off questions I need answers to while waiting for him to begin.

“You were right,” he starts after clearing his throat. “When you texted and said you'd formed your own conclusion, I know what you meant. I should've known you'd put it all together. You're smart. I just didn't expect you to be this smart this fast.”

“Say it,” I demand. “I'm tired of thinking it and never having confirmation. So say it out loud so I can stop driving myself insane.”

“You're not insane,” he says. “I'm a vampire.”

I let out a long exhale. All this time I've been waiting for it to be etched in concrete instead of thoughts written in the sand and washed away by the tides of my denial. He said it. Vampires really do exist, and now I wonder how many times I've come across one.

“How many vampires are there in the world?” I inquire, just trying to put the pieces together.

“I don't know. Quite a few, but not in the millions or anything like that,” he answers.

“How many are in Philly?”

“I don't know. Fifty or so, if I had to guess.”

“Y’all don’t have monthly meetings or something and go over how many of you there are? Don’t you have a government of some kind? A shadow agency that humans don't know about?”

“It’s not like that. This isn’t Twilight. There's no coordination, at least none that I'm aware of.”

I pause for a moment, letting one answer sink in before another question screams to be heard. “Are you gonna kill me?”

Amari stares at me, and for a moment, I think he might say yes. But his eyes soften and I know the answer before he speaks it.

“No. I've never had a desire to hurt you in any way, shape, or form. Since the moment I first laid eyes on you in your club, all I've wanted is to protect you—to love you.”

A deep furrow forms in my brow. “You love me?”

“No,” he answers quickly. “But there's something in me that wants to. Allow me to explain. Vampires have something called a Companion—someone we’re fated to, who we love and live out our lives with. The problem is that we’re all looking for our person. Some try to force it because they ache for their Companion so much, and they end up getting it wrong. By the time they realize it, they've turned someone that isn't who they thought they were, and it causes lots of problems. Some of us know our Companion the moment we see them, and we know we’re not wrong because we’re not forcing it. Whatever soul is left inside of us after we’re turned, it tells us that we’ve met our Companion, and we can’t shake the feeling. Some of us spend eternity searching and never find what we’re looking for because the world is a big place filled with too many people. But as much as I've tried to ignore and deny it, I know that you’re my Companion in this life.”

“What? You think I'm your Companion?”

“No. I know it,” he says with pure conviction. “Humans search their whole lives looking for their soulmate. So many of you never find them because they don't live in the same city or state as you. So you search, and search, and search, going from relationship to relationship without knowing you're wrong until it all burns down and you have to start over. Some vampires just know, and it turns out I'm one of them. I didn't know for sure at first. But then we started to spend time together and I began to feel it. I knew tasting your blood might confirm it, and now that I have …”

His words trail off and leave silence behind that I have to fill. “Now that you have … what? We’re fated to be together forever? I don't have a choice? What if I don't wanna be with you? I'm not a vampire. Don't you defy aging? It’s not even possible for us to be together.”

“I'm sorry it’s upsetting to you,” he says. “I just wanted you to understand how serious this is for me.”

“Well I don't understand,” I snap. “I don't understand anything. I don't understand how you seem to be able to read my mind, and control my thoughts and emotions, and kill people yet bring them back to life. I don't understand shit.”

“I know it’s a lot to take. I’ll tell you whatever you wanna know,” he says, staring directly at me. The warm sensation from before starts to return, but I manage to break eye contact with him before it can take hold and it stops.

“Don't! I told you not to do that to me. Is that how it works? You can control me if you have direct eye contact?”

“More or less. I don't need to maintain eye contact, but it does help to initiate it,” he answers calmly. “It’s called Influence. I can make you feel however I want you to feel, say what I want you to say, do what I want you to do. I can also listen to your thoughts.”

I gasp. I knew it. All this time he has been responding to my inner dialogue and I was wondering how. This whole time.

“That’s why I stopped asking about the cut healing,” I whisper to myself. “That’s why I let you in just now. That’s why I'm not afraid at this very moment. You've been controlling me. For all I know, I don't even like you like that.”