Page 19 of Straightjacket

Those hands may be tainted with blood, but those very same hands have healed me in ways that I can’t even begin to comprehend. They’ve taken away pain that I just wasn’t strong enough to deal with, they’ve brought care, passion and love into my life, but looking at them now, all I see is agony and I don’t know how to take that away.

Gripping tighter, I use the bars to keep me together. “Talk to me... please.” My voice cracks as the plea leaves my dry mouth, but I can feel the walls of his tower growing higher. After what I witnessed, I know he’s trying to shut me out, but I can’t allow that, we’re in this together and we’ll get out of this together.

“Don’t push me away, Silas, I just–”

“Just what, hm?” He snaps and I jump at the tone of his voice. “Look at where we are, Iris. All of this is because of me and don’t try to tell me that it isn't, if you hadn't met me, you wouldn’t be here.” His words stab into me like a serrated blade, and for the first time since we met, I don’t recognise the man in front of me.

This person isn’t the Silas I know. He isn’t the same as before, and right before my eyes, I can see him slipping through my fingers.

“I don’t regret it,” I throw back, knowing that if I allow him to spiral, the ending will be catastrophic. “You could never make me regret us. I was meant to be yours and you were meant to be mine, that’s how it's supposed to go.”

Silas scoffs, his hands fisting and relaxing until he speaks again. “You should regret it...because I do.”

Heartache splits my chest open at his cruel words, and I allow the painful tears to trail down my face. Deep down I know he doesn’t mean what he’s saying, I have to believe my gut that’s telling me he’s lying.

“You don’t mean that, you’re just trying to push me away and I won’t allow it. I know you love me.”

He sniggers, a savage sound echoing around the empty cell, then I watch as he slowly pushes himself up from the floor until that lone shard of light splashes across his beautiful face.

Even in a place like this, nothing compares to him.

The icy grey of his eyes hone in on me like a missile and I hold it, refusing to step down from him because that’s what he wants, but I’m a bitch that doesn’t back down as easily as that. So, I grab onto the bars and use them to hoist myself up but it’s not easy, especially with the radiating pain that burns through my knees.

I wince at the sting, forcing a hiss through my teeth but I catch the way Silas looks at me. His fierce brows furrow for a moment, like he can feel my pain, and then it’s gone again. The mask of cruelty slipping back into place.

Once I’m standing, he keeps his gaze on me, staring through hooded eyes. “It’s stupid of you to believe that I’m capable of such a feeling, that what you think I feel for you is love. Desire? Maybe, but love has no home between us.”

Hurt begins to fester in my bloodstream, his words turning into bullets that fire straight through me. “You’re lying,” I spit back. “Your words are nothing but shit and you’re only doing this to make me hate you, and that’s never going to work.”

“Is it not?” He quips, then starts to walk towards me, the energy from his massive frame driving straight into me. “You were a means to an end for me, a good fuck to feed a desperate man's starvation, but now I’m full. I don’t need you anymore, the quicker you realise that the better it’ll be for both of us.” His gaze drops away from mine as his words trail off, and that right there is enough to show me that what he’s saying is hurting him.

I could see it in his eyes, the agony festering behind the anger. He needs someone to hit back at, to be his verbal punching bag and if I have to be that, then I will.

Pushing my body further into the bars, I spit my own kind of venom back at him. “Maybe I should have let Nick have his way with me? You could have watched from your little hiding spot behind the walls. You’d be so close to touching me, yet Nick would have all that privilege instead, wouldn’t he?”

Just the thought of that prick touching me makes me want to vomit but I need to drive this point home, even if the words taste sour as they leave my mouth.

“Maybe you were just a convenience to me, Silas. A hot dude living in my house, a single woman looking for a good fuck? It couldn–”

A sharp hiss slips through his teeth, then his deadly gaze lands on me. “Shut your fucking mouth. I don’t ever wanna hear another man’s name on your lips.”

“Make me.” I jab back. “Prove to me just how much you don’t love me.”

The words feel like ash on my tongue but if this is the only way to get him out of his own head, then that’s exactly what I’ll do. The last thing I want is to lose him to that evil place, a place where his own horrors are threatening to crush him.

Moving back slightly, I keep my gaze firmly locked on him and take the zipper of the orange jumpsuit that matches his, and slowly pull it down, revealing a glimpse of my bare chest to him. Fire spreads across my already sweaty skin as those icy eyes trail from my face, down my neck until he locks onto the zipper. Inch by inch, I show him my cleavage and then my stomach. The cruelness that marred his face morphs into desire, the sharpness of his jaw ticking as he grinds his teeth.

The thick veins that spiral around his arms like wild vines pulse with need as he fists his hands tightly.

“Say it,” I push, “tell me you don’t love me, Silas. Tell me how much you regret me, how much you don’t want me. I wanna hear it, right here, right now.” My voice wobbles slightly but I manage to keep myself in check as he leaves me in limbo, suspended in time waiting for his answer.

Anguish spreads across his face but just there underneath that stone facade, I can see the truth. He wants me, craves me entirely, he just needs to allow himself to have this with me.

“I... can’t...” He mutters, his gaze now back on my face. “I can’t ever lie to you like that; there’s just no way.”

I feel like I’ve crashed through the ceiling and now my heart is spinning around in my body as I watch him step closer towards me, his eyes so full of regret.

“Baby,” he mumbles, and just as he reaches the steel bars that separate us, he drops to his knees. The heavy weight of his body crashes against the stone floor, then his hands slip through the bars until he reaches my thighs. From his touch alone, something that’s so simple, sets my entire body alight. The flames of need and desire consume me whole.