Page 53 of Unnecessary Drama

‘With Brooke? No! No,’ he says. ‘It’s just for the fake boyfriend thing.’

There it is.

Do I like Brooke? No. No. Fuck, no.

A cold, slow prickle is unfurling itself down my back, my arms, my scalp. What the hell am I doing, exactly? This isn’t real. I know it’s not real, and the bit before this, helping me at the hospital, watching TV together, hanging out at home, all the little steps we’ve taken towards—what—friendship? That’s probably not real either. Jesse is the same guy he was six months ago, the same guy he was five years ago, the same guy who casually humiliated me, who broke my heart, and I’m the same girl I was then too, and I don’t know why I thought anything had changed. I let my guard down, for what? For nothing.

Forget the house rules. I need to remember my rules. My rules have always been, don’t let your guard down, and don’t expect anything. He’ll let you down (the original he being Dad, but it has expanded to everyone very nicely).

And I’m right. I’m right.

I turn around, feeling suddenly dizzy.

Henry is standing behind me.

‘Brooke,’ he says. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yes, I’m fine.’

‘I just wanted to say, I’m sorry. I should have done the fake boyfriend thing with you. I was really nervous, meeting you in person, and I’m not good under pressure.’

‘Hey, it’s okay. It all worked out,’ I say. I’m trying to be warm and cheerful, but he’s standing too close to me, and my stomach is hurting and I’m worried I’m going to cry.

‘I was thinking. Well, it’s just an idea. If you want to,’ he stops, takes a breath. ‘We could try a do-over on our date?’

‘Um,’ I say. ‘I, ah.’ I can’t process this request. I should be ecstatic that he’s giving me a second chance. And he seems really sweet, someone I want to get to know. But my emotional nerve endings are fried. My brain is soggy. I can’t deal with this right now.

‘Brooke,’ someone touches my arm. I spin around and it’s Tristan. He looks upset.

‘Can I talk to you?’ His eyes are shiny with emotion and he holds his hand on my arm for longer than is probably necessary.

‘Ah,’ I say. Words are really letting me down right now.

Tristan is a good excuse to get away from Henry, but the downside is then I’m stuck with Tristan. I look between them. I’m not sure which option is more stressful, or which I am less capable of dealing with. I need to be alone to process my feelings.

‘I’m sorry,’ I say to them both. ‘I’m really sorry. I have a bad headache. I have to go home.’

‘Home?’ Harper says, joining the group.

‘Yes,’ I say. ‘I’m sorry. I’m really tired. Do you mind?’

‘Of course not,’ she says. I say quick goodbyes to Tristan and Henry, both of whom say they’ll text me, and then I head to the door. Harper walks with me.

‘Are you okay?’ she says.

‘I’m fine, I just have a headache. And I feel bad, you know, lying to Tristan.’ I realise that Jesse is behind me.

‘Wait, Brooke’ he says. ‘Where are you going?’

‘Home.’

‘I’ll walk you,’ he says.

‘It’s okay, it’s only a five-minute walk,’ I say.

‘Exactly. It’s only five minutes and it’s dark, I can walk you home and come back here in no time.’

‘Fine,’ I say, because I don’t want to fight with him in front of Harper, or Tristan or Henry. I need to get into the cool air of outside.