Page 55 of Unnecessary Drama

‘You don’t.’ I stop, swing around and look at him. ‘I know you don’t.’

God, I’m so angry. With him, yes. But with myself too, because I swore I wouldn’t let myself be humiliated again, and now here I am, humiliated and heartbroken and crushed again. And worst of all—it’s by the same person, in the same situation.

‘How do you know?’ he says.

‘I heard you, talking to Harper.’

‘What did you hear?’

‘You said something like, “Do I like Brooke? No. No. Fuck, no.”’

There’s a pause.

‘I didn’t say that to Harper,’ he says quietly. ‘I didn’t say it like that.’

‘Whatever.’

I turn onto our street. I just want to get through the door and away from him, get into the shower and cry, then put my head under a pillow, maybe two pillows, really burrow down. Then I need to take every emotion I have felt tonight and squash them, one by one, like a line of poor, sad little ants.

‘Brooke! I didn’t say it like that,’ he says, jogging up beside me.

‘You did,’ I say. ‘You said it to Gretel. And you said it again tonight.’

‘Tonight is nothing like that,’ he says.

‘Yes, it is,’ I say. ‘What? You thought I’d forgotten what you said?’

‘No, I—’

‘You thought the memory of that night had just faded away?’

‘No, I—’

‘Do you know what it’s like to be a fourteen-year-old girl? To be me, specifically, at fourteen, with a hot older sister like Lauren, with every insecurity you can possibly think of, and then to have you do that to me, you who I thought was my friend? Like I was nothing, like I was a piece of garbage. Do you know what that’s like? To have the first boy who ever kissed me do that? Do you have any idea what that was like?’

I’m starting to cry now, angry tears blurring my vision, and I wipe them quickly away.

‘Brooke,’ he says, sounding agonised. ‘I’m sorry.’

I need him to stop saying my name.

‘Don’t. I don’t want to talk anymore.’ I fiddle with the front door. The key always sticks unless you hold it at just the correct angle, and my hands are shaking. I can’t get it quite right.

‘Can I, can you just let me explain?’ he says, close behind me now. ‘About then, and about tonight.’

I’m scared he’ll reach out and touch me. I’m scared I’ll still feel it when he does, that my body will still jump to his touch, and I can’t risk that.

‘No,’ I say. ‘Becoming friends or whatever it was we were doing was a mistake.’

My key finally works, it turns, and I go inside, and close the door behind me.

24

Jesse and I are officially not speaking. Not even ‘hi’ and ‘hello’. He tried to talk to me a couple of times but I shut him down. He even knocked on my bedroom door and said, ‘Do you want to watch The Vampire Diaries with me?’ late one night, but I didn’t answer. He’s given up and I’m back to hiding in my bedroom, like when I first moved in, except so much worse.

At least I still have Harper, but I also feel like I need to avoid her, because she can tell something is off, and I don’t want her to kick us out for breaking the rules. Technically, maybe, the romance rule, definitely the unnecessary drama one.

I don’t think she would kick us out, not now, because we’re friends, but maybe I am wrong about that. Maybe I can’t trust any feeling I have. Maybe every relationship is up for debate.