Page 87 of Unnecessary Drama

‘Brooke.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Just, relax. This is the kind of cliff it’s okay to jump off. This is a good risk to take.’

‘A good risk. Okay. Okay.’ She’s convincing me. Sort of. A little.

‘You can do this,’ she says.

‘I can do it,’ I repeat, sounding anything but sure.

We say goodbye and hang up and then she sends me a text saying YOU CAN DO THIS, I LOVE YOU in all caps.

I read her message three times, and I tell myself it’s true. I can do this.

36

By the time I get home, I’m hot and sweaty and still full of feelings.

I can hear Harper chatting to Jesse.

I imagine bursting into the kitchen, and saying…what? I have an announcement to make. How do people tell other people important things? It would be much easier if we were standing in the rain, and I was dramatically shouting to be heard over the howling wind, maybe wearing a cape. Anything but this, an ordinary afternoon.

I look at myself in the mirror. I can’t make a love declaration with slicked, sweaty hair.

I shower, wash my hair, and I am staring at myself in the mirror, wet haired and towel-clad, when Jesse calls out, ‘Bye.’

I rush to the door and lean out into the hallway. ‘You’re going?’ I say. ‘I thought your date wasn’t for ages.’

‘We decided to meet early,’ he says.

Oh god, their text banter got so hot, they couldn’t wait any longer. They’re already in love. I’m too late.

‘Have fun!’ I’m too high pitched.

‘Thanks,’ he says, and he moves towards the front door, then stops, and turns back to me. His brow is furrowed. ‘I—’

‘Yes?’ My wet hair slips over my shoulder, and I stand there, too eager. Let him say he’s changed his mind and he’s not going. If there’s no date, then I’ll have time to breathe, very slowly analyse my feelings from every angle and squash them all back down.

‘Never mind. I’ll see you later.’ His expression is unreadable.

And then he’s gone, and I walk to my room and lie on my bed, defeated. I expect to feel a release, with the giving up, but I don’t. The urge to do something about it, to do the very thing I know is stupid and messy and will very likely make my life harder—is stronger than ever. I never have urges like this.

I sit up.

I have to do something. I have to do something right now or I might explode.

I’m going to crash his date and tell him.

I get dressed before I can talk myself out of it. This is the kind of wild and terrible idea you really need to be riding on adrenaline to follow to completion, because any kind of close examination will derail you into rationality.

I dry my hair and put on the lipstick Lauren accidentally left here that she said is practically magic and can change your life if you layer it just right, and I walk down the hallway with purpose. Harper sees me and comes out of her bedroom.

‘Where are you going?’

‘Nowhere,’ I say, trying to sound casual as I slip past her, reaching for the door.

Harper looks at me closely. ‘Oh no,’ she says.