Page 94 of Unnecessary Drama

‘Yeah. I did.’

God, he’s so cute. He’s so cute, and he’s kissing me so tenderly, and I’m going to ruin the moment with my insecurities.

‘If you regret what happened, before, it’s okay,’ I say.

He stops, confused. ‘Regret which part?’

‘The, um, the telling each other how we feel part,’ I say. ‘If it was too much, if you felt pressured—’

‘You think you pressured me into saying I’m in love with you?’ he says. I feel a little shivery delight snaking down my spine at hearing the words again.

‘I can be persuasive,’ I say.

He’s smiling, but then his expression changes and he looks concerned. ‘Is this about what happened back at school? I know it still bothers you.’

‘It doesn’t bother me. I have the map hanging in my bedroom,’ I say.

‘I noticed,’ he says. ‘But that doesn’t mean you forgive me. And you don’t have to forgive me. I just want to know what you’re thinking.’

I open my mouth to automatically say I have forgiven him, and I realise that it’s true. I have completely forgiven him. The memory still has an ache of embarrassment and pain, but I’m not mad at him anymore. That Jesse, fourteen-year-old Jesse, feels far away. So does fourteen-year-old Brooke. I feel a little bit sad for them both. I wish I could go back and tell them, ‘Just wait, it’s all going to work out.’

‘I do forgive you,’ I say to him, firmly. ‘And I trust you.’

His eyes soften at this, and I can see it means a lot to him.

‘But you don’t believe I’m in love with you?’ he says.

‘I think that’s the part I’m struggling with, yeah,’ I admit. I was so focused on telling him how I felt, I didn’t spend any time thinking about how I would feel if he said it back. The intense joy of it, and then the aftermath of that joy, the worry that it might not be true and, if it is true, that it might disappear.

‘Why?’ he says.

I hesitate, and before I can answer, we hear Harper walking back down the hallway to the lounge room. I get up quickly, sliding off Jesse and moving to the far corner of the couch, because I don’t want her to think we’re going to be all over each other all the time. Harper gives me an is-everything-goingokay? look when she comes back in. I give her a quick smile.

‘Okay, kids. Amber’s fine. And I’m going to Penny’s house tonight, to give you some time to figure everything out,’ she says. ‘Not that there’s anything to figure out,’ she adds quickly. ‘I mean, to give you some new-couple privacy. Or, maybe not couple. I don’t know if you’re ready for that. Tell me what word to use when I’m back tomorrow!’

She turns and starts to walk back out.

‘Wait,’ I say. I want to reassure her that we’re going to be considerate, that we won’t make things weird, that we’ll do whatever she wants to make her comfortable. ‘Should we have a house meeting before you go? Just, to, you know, make sure we’re all on the same page and you’re not stressed about anything?’ I say.

Harper looks at me, her eyes warm. ‘I’m not stressed about anything,’ she says. ‘It’s all going to be fine.’

‘Okay,’ I say, and then the front door clicks shut and she’s gone.

I turn to Jesse. I’m worried he’s going to jump straight back into our discussion from earlier, but he doesn’t.

‘Are you hungry?’ he says. ‘Should we order something for dinner?’

And I relax, a little. A normal conversation. Almost like nothing has changed. I can do this.

After we’ve agreed on a Thai place and ordered, I stand up and hover, back to thinking of all the details we need to sort out and where to even start, and suddenly I’m chewing on my fingernail and about to start pacing again. Jesse stands up too, taking my other hand and pulling me towards him. I rest my head on his chest, and it feels so good that I close my eyes, all my muscles relaxing. His touch has an instant soothing effect on me. He runs his fingertips up and down my back, like he did the night of Harper’s party before we first kissed, and it feels so good I make an involuntary mmmm noise in my throat.

‘Are you freaking out?’ he asks.

‘A little.’

‘What about?’ His hand slips under my top and he rubs a circle on my lower back with his thumb.

‘We live in the same house,’ I blurt out. ‘We have to talk about how we’re going to handle this.’