Page 146 of The Wedding Forecast

‘Possibly. He lives overseas,’ I say, signing my stack at the counter.

‘Wait, you’re that actor! From that show!’ She’s seen Arcadia Rising, and we end up staying twenty minutes after I finish signing, and the bookseller takes pictures with him, so they can post their celebrity sighting on the shop Instagram. Mac looks highly embarrassed and uncomfortable, which makes me laugh.

‘Shouldn’t they be taking photos of you signing your book?’ he whispers to me.

‘As long as you’re holding my book in your picture, I don’t care,’ I whisper back.

Bobbi is going to be mad I haven’t utilised his celebrity power for our shop’s social media.

‘I love walking around with a star,’ I tease him afterwards.

‘She couldn’t even remember the name of my show! You’re the famous one in this town.’ He kisses me.

‘Oh, yeah, I get swarmed by fans all the time.’

We spend a lot of time with Hayley and Luke. It’s a bit like back when Joel and I hung out with Luke and Hayley, but different. This dynamic is different. Luke and Mac are almost like brothers. There’s a physical energy between them, as if they might wrestle or playfight, that Luke and Joel never had. Joel would never wrestle anyone.

Mac is loose and open. Or, he seems to be. He’s so open with Luke, that I feel like I am seeing a side of him that I’ve never seen before. And of Luke. They become more excitable versions of themselves in each other’s presence, and it’s like looking at the ghosts of their ten-year-old selves.

I only have to work one shift during the time Mac is here, because I had already arranged some time off to do book promo. While I’m working, he visits his family.

That night, we lie curled up in bed.

‘You seem much more relaxed, being back here, this time,’ I say.

‘I am.’

‘Why is that?’

‘Well last year at the wedding was ripping the band-aid off.’

‘And it’s less painful now?’

‘It’s still home with no mum, which hurts. And doesn’t feel right. When I’m in the US, I can pretend. You know. She’s still there, she just hasn’t called me in a while. She’s busy. I’m busy. I can avoid thinking about it. I’m very good at that. Six years on, and I’m still pretending. But when I’m here, around my family, in the house I grew up in, all the places she was and isn’t anymore, there’s no pretending. Last time, I didn’t—’ He stops.

‘You didn’t what?’

‘I had planned to go and visit her grave, but I didn’t.’

‘Why not?’

‘I mean, I don’t really believe in that. Once someone dies, I don’t think any of them is left, I don’t think their grave holds any special significance. They’re gone. Visiting a grave doesn’t change that. It’s just dirt. And I hold her in my head, in my heart, in my memories, you know. I keep her with me. And that is true. All of that is true. To an extent. But also, I wanted to go back there, once, to see if that was actually how I felt.’

‘Will you go this time?’

‘I did go. Today. With my sister.’

‘And how was it?’

‘I still don’t think Mum’s spirit was there, or anything. But—’ He looks away and then back to me. ‘It was nice to go there, to honour her, and to have a place, a physical place, to grieve. I sat down in front of the gravestone and I talked to her, and I cried a bit.’

I squeeze his hand, and he keeps talking.

‘The thought of coming back, to Melbourne, used to make me feel sick to my stomach. I couldn’t handle it. Being in this city, let alone going to her grave. But I don’t feel like that anymore.’

‘I’m so glad.’

‘And part of it…Part of it is time. Time passes, that helps. Part of it is therapy. But the biggest part of it, I think, is you.’