Page 55 of The Wedding Forecast

‘Is Bianca asleep?’

‘Yes.’

‘She’s feeling okay?’

‘About the same as she was,’ he says.

We stare at each other. The tension between us should be gone. The wedding is over. I know about the baby. He’s read the book. We don’t have to see each other again in the foreseeable future. But somehow, it feels worse.

‘Well, goodnight,’ Joel says, standing up.

‘Why did you stay with me for so long?’ I blurt out. ‘If you couldn’t picture us having a future together?’

He looks at me for a long time. He’s a bit drunk too.

‘I don’t know.’

‘Great. Eight years together, and “I don’t know” is your answer.’

‘You were the unhappy one.’

‘No I wasn’t.’

‘Yes you were. I read your book. I read your book and I thought, there it is. That’s what she really thought of us, of me, when we were together.’

‘My book is made up. Fiction!’ I don’t argue well when I’m drunk.

‘But I could see it there, in your words. Everything you thought was wrong with me.’

‘Did you read the acknowledgments? Because you’re in there. I loved you. I loved you more than you loved me.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘You didn’t even love me at all, did you?’

‘I did. And I’m sorry it didn’t work out, and I’m sorry I didn’t want kids with you, and I’m sorry I was such a disappointment, but I can’t change any of that now.’

I stare at him, and I want to yell, but there’s nothing to say to all that. He’s right—we can’t change anything and maybe he doesn’t owe me anything, but I can’t shake the feeling that he did me wrong, somehow. That someone has to be responsible for me feeling like this.

He starts to walk to his bedroom, and then turns back to me.

‘Am I who you wanted to have kids with? Am I really?’ he asks.

‘Yes. You were.’

‘Was I? Because you decided you wanted kids one day, but I’m not sure you ever decided you wanted them with me.’

‘You are telling yourself that to feel better,’ I say.

‘Maybe. But deep down, I think I’m right.’

‘No surprise there. You always do.’

‘Fuck you, Anna. I’m not going to feel guilty about this anymore. We’ve broken up.’

He’s never sworn at me before, and that more than anything has me shaken.

‘Well, fuck you too, Joel.’