Page 7 of The Wedding Forecast

He props both his hands behind his head and studies me.

‘I think the rule is first in, best dressed. Or best bed in this case.’

My job this weekend is not to get in a fight with a groomsman within minutes of arriving. My job is to be an accommodating, gracious, calm problem solver. Who would have thought the man to annoy me most in this house was going to be this one and not my ex? But I’m speaking too soon. Joel hasn’t arrived yet. He still has plenty of opportunity.

‘What about we switch it out? We each take the bunk bed one night,’ I say.

‘Okay,’ he says. ‘I guess that’s fair.’

‘You take the bunk bed tonight, and I’ll take it on the night of the wedding.’

‘But my stuff is already in the other room.’

‘But you might meet someone at the wedding and want to bring them back to the bigger bed.’

We need to be practical about this. Also, I am banking on him getting drunk at the wedding and just passing out in the bunk beds again.

‘I’m not planning on hooking up with anyone,’ he says, looking faintly amused.

‘I wasn’t sure, if you were single, or what,’ I say.

‘I’m single. I’m just not really here for that,’ he says.

‘Good. Neither am I.’ I don’t know why I add this.

‘Are there going to be a lot of single women at the wedding?’ he asks.

‘So you are interested.’

‘I’m just wondering now. Because you brought it up.’

‘There will be some, yes.’

He looks at me, expectantly.

‘You want a list?’ I say. I’m being sarcastic but he doesn’t seem to register that. He’s been in America for too long, he can no longer parse Australian tones.

‘Yes please,’ he says.

‘Okay. There’s Theresa, Hayley’s work friend. She’s lovely. And Alyssa. Also lovely. She’s mostly dating women at the moment but she might make an exception. And who else? Oh, Sara. And Diya. And Luke’s cousin, I’ve forgotten her name. Oh, and the celebrant. She could be single, I don’t know.’

‘You think I should hook up with the celebrant?’

‘I don’t think you should, I was just including her to be thorough.’

I haven’t included myself, but that’s because I’m in a different classification. I’m still in the healing and self-discovery period post long-term relationship.

‘That would be sacrilege, surely.’

‘It’s a secular ceremony.’

‘It’s definitely frowned upon.’

‘I’m not saying do it, I’m saying, theoretically, she could be single. You could have a Fleabag situation.’ I was actually hoping Hayley and Luke would choose a young Catholic priest so I could have my own Fleabag situation, but the fact they’re not Catholic apparently meant that dream couldn’t be realised.

‘Well, as appealing as that all sounds, I am very jet-lagged and I need the good bed tonight. So I’ll take my chances with the bunk bed tomorrow,’ he says.

‘Great,’ I say.