Page 59 of People Skills

While she’s talking, I rinse the glasses and she takes them out of my hands and dries them.

‘But he’s already annoyed me. Look at him, sitting out there, holding court. Hasn’t offered to help at all. Apparently he has gout in his big toe. Didn’t stop him playing golf today, but it kicks in right when he arrives here. And he parked his car so close to mine in the driveway. Did you see that? He could have just parked in the street, but no, he never parks in the street.’ She pauses.

I can tell she’s on a roll and could keep going for quite a while. I pour white wine into a glass for me and one for Xavier.

‘Shall I take these out?’

‘Yes, thank you Charlotte. I’ll be out with a platter,’ she says. ‘No doubt Graham will ask where the food is.’

I walk out carrying the wine, and hand a glass to Xavier. Graham turns to look at me, and he takes the wine—my wine—out of my hand.

‘Thank you,’ he says. He’s tall, lean, silver-haired, a full head of hair still and his blue shirt is open one button too many for my liking.

‘Dad! That was Charlotte’s wine,’ Xavier says, looking appalled and leaning over to take the glass out of his father’s hands.

‘Oh, sorry sweetheart, I assumed it was for me,’ he says jovially. He turns to Xavier. ‘I asked your mother for another glass ages ago.’

‘I’ll take your glass in for a refill,’ I say, bending down to get his glass.

‘No, Dad can go,’ Xavier says.

‘Calm down, Xav,’ James says. ‘You’ve got a whole night to get through.’

‘It’s fine,’ I say.

‘Charlotte, you work for Hillary, is that right?’ Graham says. ‘I’m the ex-husband. I’m sure you’ve heard all about me.’

‘I have. Lovely to meet you, Graham.’

‘Most of what she will have told you is absolute lies, but the worst things are probably true,’ he says, grinning. ‘Can you tell her to bring out some cheese?’

‘Dad, to be clear, Charlotte is not working tonight. She’s a guest. You can’t just start giving her orders,’ Xavier says, looking agitated.

‘She offered!’ Graham says. He turns to me. ‘I have gout in my toe, it’s hard for me to get up and down.’

‘Dad, stop telling people you have gout in your toe right before they are going to eat,’ James says. ‘It’s a disgusting mental image.’

‘My god, don’t be so sensitive,’ Graham says and turns to me. ‘I have raised two very new-age, sensitive sons.’

‘Dad,’ Xavier says, sounding tired already.

I am smiling (fake) and clutching Graham’s glass, walking backwards to go inside for his refill.

‘I’ll be right back,’ I say.

In the kitchen, I pour more wine into Graham’s glass and help Hillary rearrange the cheese on the platter.

‘He told you to tell me to bring out cheese, didn’t he?’ Hillary says.

‘No,’ I say.

‘Did he mention his gout?’

‘Only very briefly.’

Hillary clutches my arm. ‘Please intervene if at any stage I look like I’m about to pick up a knife and threaten to stab him.’

‘Will do.’