Page 77 of People Skills

‘We’ll get a little bus to ferry them around,’ Murray says. ‘I’m sure you could drive it.’

‘Well, it wouldn’t be a walking tour then.’

‘Semantics,’ Murray says, waving a hand.

‘And we’ve already sold the tickets on the basis of the tour being ninety minutes,’ I say, trying another approach.

Xavier is watching our conversation, his eyes bright with amusement. I give him a do-something look, and he gives me a little shrug.

‘So, they’ll be getting more than double what they paid for,’ Murray says. ‘They should be happy. More than happy. Very few people know some of the facts I will be imparting on the tour. What do you know about the town’s history?’ he says, looking at me like a teacher who is catching a student out for not doing their homework.

‘I, uh, well I’ve only been here six months.’ I glance at Xavier. ‘But he’s a third-generation Barwon Bayian.’

Murray turns to Xavier expectantly.

‘I know nothing, but I’m planning to go to the Maritime Museum next week,’ Xavier says. ‘To learn all about this ship.’ He pats the side of the ship replica with a hand before remembering the no-touching rule and quickly taking his hand away.

‘The museum! You won’t learn anything there. Those hacks. They give a very sanitised version of what happened. I can’t tell you how many run-ins I’ve had with them,’ Murray says.

As he continues to rant, I hover near the window to check my phone. Even his curtains have little anchors on them. It’s too much. Well, maybe the curtains are cute, but the rest is awful. I look at my messages and see Jamila has sent several that are just head-exploding emojis. The poetry-plagiarism scandal isn’t going away then.

‘Well, Murray, it was good to check in, but we need to be off,’ I say, when he stops to draw breath.

‘Oh, you’re going already?’ He looks disappointed.

‘I need to get back to the office.’ I almost add, but Xavier can stay but I’m not that cruel.

‘So, you’ll extend my tour?’ he says.

‘We can,’ I say, taking one last roll of the dice. ‘But we’ll need to organise someone to lead an alternative walking tour at the same time for those who booked the ninety-minute version that was advertised. Otherwise we’ll be in breach of advertising guidelines.’ I’ve found if you just say the phrase ‘in breach of ’ people take you seriously.

‘That’s ridiculous. The laws in this country. And who would you get to run it? Let me guess, Rose bloody Burnley wants to?’

‘Rose has expressed interest, yes,’ I lie.

‘Oh, I bet she has. The minute she saw my event listing, she would have been plotting. She’s on the museum board.’

I’m at his front door, suddenly desperate to get out because I feel seasick. Xavier is right behind me.

‘I’m sure yours will be more popular,’ I say, as we head off. Murray looks murderous.

‘I’ll book a ticket,’ Xavier promises.

‘I will not be pitted against that woman!’ Murray calls after us, and then firmly shuts his door.

I turn to look at Xavier, and he shakes his head in wonder.

‘That was incredible,’ he says.

‘What was?’ I say.

‘All of it. That house. Murray. The way you handled him. The ship replica he worked on for a decade. God, look, even his letterbox is in the shape of a ship,’ Xavier points out as we walk towards the gate.

‘Are you really going to book a ticket to his walking tour?’ I say.

‘Yes.’

‘This could be your real research project. You could write a novel about the Barwon Bay shipwreck.’