Page 84 of Bad Words

A normal person, I said, would add “no offense” to that text message somewhere.

But it’s an offensive text message, she said.

That’s our entire thing, Parker. Offensive messages.

Maybe you drank enough last night to forget.

Something pulsated in the sensitive space between my heart and my stomach. I felt the cold glass sweating in my hand, the scrape of the bookstore’s unfinished wood against my temple. My fingers remembered the softness of her hand as I’d brushed it. Of course she couldn’t really feel like ice or marble or enamel, but that instant of contact had still somehow startled me, the warmth of her skin. Had I imagined the color rising in her cheeks?

I set down my phone. I couldn’t actually be thinking about Selina Chan in this way.

I couldn’t, at this moment, be imagining what might have happened if I’d pushed a little farther, traced my fingers over her knuckles, run my hand up her arm—if I’d stepped forward into that impenetrable layer that seemed to surround her.

My phone dinged again. I swept it up, wondering if I’d missed a chance, if I’d let this rhythm between us falter—but the message wasn’t from Selina.

New Messages in Chan Pan Support Group

Carla Lew

Parker I just saw your posts. Wtf. The demon can’t even let you have a nice New Year’s Day??

Aiden Linville

pictures please, what did she do

Carla Lew

[image]

J.J. Purnell

Does this count as harassment?

Jenny House

Ugh, I’m so sorry, Parker. Let us know if we can do anything

I felt a cold prickle over the back of my neck.

Parker Navarro

Thanks y’all but it’s not a problem! Those posts felt like more of a joke.

Parker Navarro

Hope everybody had a fun New Year’s

I thought of Selina looking out at the Manhattan skyline, her glass held to her collarbone, weary and half-ironic as she’d said, I came here when I was eighteen and assumed the city would fix all my problems.

My burrito had gone cold. I ate mechanically, telling myself the sour feeling in my gut was from last night’s drinks—wondering, in reality, how Selina would have reacted if she’d seen the things this group chat had said about her.

I drained a glass of water and tried to shake the discomfort. Selina wouldn’t have been surprised. She knew the impact her reviews had; she knew the anger wrapped up in that. As I set my glass on the counter, I tried to think of some witty, offhand answer to her texts, but even as I typed in a few aimless letters, another message arrived, this time from Arthur.

Bro I just saw Selina Chan being a dick to you online again. If you want to vent, feel free. I’m at my gate for the next 45 minutes so I’ve got time

I hesitated, then typed, Thanks

He replied seconds later: Seriously. For her to have the audacity to BE the reason you’re nervous about the book coming out, and then to act like it’s stupid for you to worry? Fuck that. Fuck her