Page 64 of Not Another Christmas Movie

“Don’t you dare pull that cute Esther routine on me, buddy,” Annie told him. “We don’t have time for this; we have too much to catch up on—”

“Nick,” Bailey said urgently, appearing next to Nick’s shoulder and looking up at him. “I need to talk to you,” she said, her eyes moving to Annie.

“Of course,” Nick said, nodding his head. “Is everything okay?”

Bailey offered a weak shrug, and her eyes looked big and glassy.

“Sorry, Bailey!” Annie interjected. “He needs to do this group number first,” Annie said. The only thing she could think to do was pause whatever moment was happening or waiting to happen. Both Nick and Bailey stared at Annie in confusion, and she did a small marching jig in place. She needed a real moment with Nick.

“I understand, this is a truly tremendous tune,” Bailey said earnestly before giving Nick a loaded look. Once she was out of eyeshot, Annie grabbed Nick’s arm, delivering an urgent pinch. Nick let out a small yelp of pain and rubbed at the spot where Annie had grabbed him.

“Again, woman, you continue to be a walking weapon,” Nick muttered. “This is going to leave a bruise.”

“Everybody, line up!” Grant’s voice echoed in the space. “Head couple at the top, please!” Grant sang out, winking at Perry, and the crowd parted to allow Felix and Noelle to take their place at the front of the line, women on Noelle’s side and men on Felix’s. “Now, as always at the Annual Joyful Jovial Jingle Bell Ho-Ho-Hoedown of Yuletide Two-Stepping and Festive Fiddles Boogie Oogie Jig and Jangle, the head couple will slide down the row and back again and everyone else will clap,” Grant explained, but from what Annie could tell, everyone around them was laser focused and overly prepared to fully commit themselves by already loudly clapping along. Annie and Nick were across from each other, but the constant stomps and claps made it impossible to have a private conversation.

“Nick!” Annie cried to him, trying to convey with her eyes that she had something to get through to him. But it seemed Nick had caught whatever hoedown hum was intoxicating everyone else as he clapped along and grinned a goofy half smile.

“Step forward and bow to your partner!” Grant said on top of the loud fiddling music. Annie stepped forward too quickly and was instantly out of sync with the rest of the dancers. But when Nick got closer, she quickly tried for his attention again.

“Nick!” Annie said.

“Bow to your partner,” Grant said.

“Listen, Nick, Bailey wants to marry you,” Annie burst out during a break in sound and before half-heartedly bowing before Nick.

“What?” Nick asked, coming up from his own bow.

“Listen to me—” Annie started, but Grant was ready for the next move.

“Right elbow swing!” Grant called, and Annie put her arm out, allowing Nick to swing them in a small, contained circle amid a sea of other swingers.

“Oh, truck this,” Annie muttered, her body still reluctantly participating in the dance.

“Left elbow swing!” Grant continued.

“Nick,” Anne said sternly as she caught Nick’s eyes before their arms switched spots. She tried to keep her eyes on Nick but just ended up twirling around again.

“Now do-si-do,” Grant said.

“How do I do that?” Annie asked. The dancers around her stepped forward and passed right shoulder to right shoulder, continuing to move to the right and passing in back of their partner until they were faced away from each other. Everyone moved backward, passing their partner’s left shoulder now before returning to their starting spot. “Oh, I did it,” Annie said when she had completed the step. She felt a small surge of accomplishment; she should have known the made-for-TV Christmas movie puppeteers would take over.

“Make a bridge and let the head couple slide down!” Grant said, and Annie brought her hands to meet Nick’s. They were warm and made her own tingle at the touch. Felix and Noelle rushed past them in a blur of red and green and took their new place at the end of the line, stomping and clapping along with the music until everyone else had followed their lead. Annie tried to get out a few more words in between claps.

“I (clap) heard (clap) Bailey (clap) talking (clap)—” Annie yelled.

“What?” Nick asked, continuing to clap along with the group. Annie groaned in angst and annoyance. After all her time in this bizarre universe, this event was starting to feel like the most absurd.

“Let’s mix things up now! Everyone jump to the left, skip to the right, and set your sight on a new partner!” Grant called, and Annie saw Noelle wiggle her eyebrows at Nick before beelining for him.

“Sorry, Noelle, he’s next on my dance card,” Annie shrugged and took Nick’s hand. Noelle gave a little scowl, but Annie was laser-focused, and she knew time was running out. “Nick, Bailey is in love with you, she wants you to propose tonight, and if you don’t, she will—” Annie attempted again.

“Where are you getting this from?” Nick asked before another loud boom of laughter came from the crowd.

“Let’s switch partners one more time!” Grant sang out, and Annie tried to move them away from the dancing and Noelle’s line of sight.

“From the ghost of Wally Jones, okay?” Annie scowled, and Nick looked confused. Annie was overwhelmed by the tsunami of mixed emotions twirling inside her as everything around her moved with activity too. “Listen, Nick, if you marry Bailey, you’re going to be with a woman who actively participates in doing that Elf on the Shelf nonsense for your kids,” Annie blurted in a rush, unsure why that was the direction she had decided to take to get through to him but committing to it anyway. When Nick didn’t answer, Annie continued, doubling down, “Is that what you want, Nick? A wife who puts energy and effort into Elf on the Shelf? And, like, writes stupid notes from the elf? Every year?!”

“Annie, we both know if someone was going to do that kind of thing for their kids, it would be me,” Nick said neutrally. Annie gasped as if he had slapped her. She was close to slapping Nick herself if only to wake him up to the horror of life shared with an Elf on a Shelf and to how seriously he needed to be taking this issue. Annie could see Noelle coming closer, ready to claim Nick as her rightful partner.