Page 36 of Engineering a Love Story

The food saps our energy and we don’t return to unpacking. Travis wants to go to the Blue Note. “You in?” he asks. “I could make a few calls, though there are likely Gilroy people there already. Probably Lars.” He tugs on his sweaty bangs. “I still say you haven’t fully considered that option.”

I thank Travis for his help but let him go alone. With the move, and now the food and alcohol in my system, I’m dead on my feet.

***

After Travis leaves, I dig out sheets and find my toothbrush. I tune the radio to the Sox game and put away some clothes.

Soon, I’m in bed, my body buzzing from the day. I listen to the sounds of my new home. There’s an occasional loud engine, a distant siren. Signs of life, but none that feel too pressing or close.

Yet I can’t sleep. I tell myself this is normal. I often have difficulty sleeping the first night in a hotel or when visiting a friend. And here I am in a whole new home. It will take time to acclimate.

After a while, I give up and climb out of bed, pulling a light blanket with me. I find my laptop, plug in the phone wire, and curl on the sofa. I read some online news, find out the Sox lost. I pull the blanket tighter. Again, I try to sleep, now on the sofa, but a nervousness has crept in, a small piece of a larger worry about how I’ll manage here alone. And I know I can’t handle anything if I don’t sleep.

Then it’s pointless: once I’m worrying about sleep, my ability to achieve it evaporates entirely.

I pull my laptop back out, thinking maybe I’ll find a policy paper on Gore’s website—that should knock me out. I’ve just opened the machine when a chime signals a new email.

Date: August 1, 2000

To: Chelsea Lefevre

From: Seth Murphy

CC: Claire Sanchez, Evan Feinberg

Subject: Re: Current Signed Customers

Chelsea,

Here is our updated customer list including deals closed in July.

Seth

I stare at the business-only email. Again, I know he can’t say more on this thread but still, I scroll and read, scroll and reread, hoping to find something more.

Then my computer dings again.

Date: August 1, 2000

To: Chelsea Lefevre

From: Seth Murphy

Subject: Re: Current Signed Customers

Chelsea,

Just wanted to say I had a great time when you were here last weekend.

I know we said just the one day. And I completely understand if you want to leave it there. I get that it’s complicated.

But I keep wondering if we need to let a little complexity and 3,000 qualifying airline miles prevent us from seeing each other again. Caution can be its own detriment.

I contemplated writing from a backchannel Hotmail account, but I know my scattered brain would forget to check it. We could keep using this subject line, if you agree, and I will enjoy how much this would anger Claire every time I see it.

Seth

I inhale the email, reading it three times before even considering how to respond. Heat rises up my thighs, through my middle and into my face, and I’m so shaken, I have to place my computer on the floor.