Page 37 of The Christmas Letter

‘The point is, I didn’t even know he was a dog person until I moved in. How could I not know that? I’m engaged to him and that is a serious thing – something you should know about someone, something that comes up on the first date, for God’s sake.’

‘Well, I wouldn’t say—’

‘And what if there are all these other things we don’t know about each other? What if it turns out he doesn’t like woodlice? Because I love woodlice, Holly, they are cute and little and I had a pet one called Woody growing up and—’

‘Abi. Breathe.’

Abi took a shuddering breath. ‘Breathing.’

‘This is normal.’

‘It is?’ Abi frowned. ‘What is, exactly? Woody?’

‘No, not Woody, as adorable as I’m sure he was. Though, by the way, I’m pretty sure I saw James rescuing a woodlouse from a café once. I remember it because he cut me off mid-sentence to do so, so I’m pretty sure you’re safe there.’

An almost-smile flitted across Abi’s face. ‘He cuts me off mid-sentence to do stuff too, sometimes.’ Her eyes softened with it, like it was the cutest thing and not actually rather annoying.

‘Right, well, what I meant was that this is just pre-wedding anxiety or whatever. When Lily was . . .’ But she trailed off, because it hurt to think about Lily in the run-up to her wedding: the swings of emotions she was going through, the need for everything to be perfect, how she’d given Holly and her best friend from school very explicit instructions on what the hen do should look like, how she’d even written Steve’s speech for him. Lily had grabbed Holly’s hands after the ceremony, squeezed tight. ‘You know I love you, right?’

Holly had laughed. ‘Of course.’

‘Right. It’s just, I know I’ve been a total demon.’

‘A bridezilla, one might say.’

‘Only if one were being unoriginal.’ But Lily had smiled. ‘I just wanted to say . . . Thank you. It was totally worth it.’

Holly had wrapped her arms around her big sister, careful not to put her face, adorned with more makeup than she would have gone for herself, anywhere near the dress. ‘Yeah. It was. The one and only time I’d say all the fuss was worth it, in fact.’

Lily tossed her head back dramatically. ‘You just wait. I’m sure you’ll make even more of a fuss than me – and it will be worse with you, because you’ll leave everything until the last minute. Your wedding day will be chaos.’

‘Who says I’ll ever meet someone I like enough to get married to, hmm?’ And although Holly had said it jokingly, although she brushed it off, playing up to her role as the baby of the family, it was something she was more insecure about than she let on.

Lily had looked at her, like she knew Holly wasn’t completely joking. ‘You’re still so young. You have ages.’

‘You met Steve when you were twenty-one,’ Holly pointed out.

‘Well, you’re not me.’

‘No,’ Holly agreed – she was nowhere near as sorted as her big sister.

‘I mean that in a good way,’ Lily said quietly, giving Holly’s hand a squeeze. ‘I wish I could be more like you sometimes.’

Holly laughed, a little incredulously. No one ever said Lily should be more like her – it was always the other way around. ‘You do?’

Lily tucked an errant curl, done so perfectly by the hairdresser, behind her ear. ‘Well. Only sometimes. Anyway, I know you’ll find someone.’

There was a beat before Holly asked, ‘How?’

Lily smiled. ‘Because you’re too special not to. And because big sisters are always right.’

Holly pushed the memory aside, brought her attention back to Abi. ‘All I’m saying is, you are blowing this out of proportion. You love James?’

‘Yes,’ Abi said without hesitation. What must it feel like, to love someone like that – with absolutely no doubt in your mind? And she gave a sniff before she added, sounding much more like the Abi Holly knew, ‘You think I’d have said yes if I didn’t love him?’

‘And he loves you?’

‘All signs would point to yes.’