Page 86 of The Christmas Letter

Liam looked at her. ‘You’re into Stranger Things?’

‘Of course,’ Mia said, and there was a touch of her eye-roll in there.

And then they were off, actually talking, and this time Mia did not look at him as he backed away. He saw his mum and Theo waiting, not far up the path.

‘Who’s that?’ his mum asked immediately when he reached them.

Jack shrugged. ‘Friend from school, I guess.’

‘Sucker,’ Theo muttered under his breath.

Jack’s phone buzzed and he slid it out of his jeans pocket. His heart did that familiar lurch thing when he saw her name. Really, he should learn to get a fucking grip. They’d agreed in Venice that it wasn’t sensible to go down that route. And he was trying, he really was, to think of her as a friend. To send friendly messages. When they’d first started texting it had all been about Emma, checking in with each other on how she was doing when one or other of them saw her. But as the weeks had gone on, they’d ended up just chatting or, as today, sending random GIFs. Right now there was one of a woman sitting on a rock in a pretty dress, getting smashed repeatedly by a wave and looking all bedraggled afterwards.

Me in the bridesmaid dress Abi picked out.

His lips twitched into a smile as he tried to think of something funny or clever to say back. He wasn’t any better than that Liam dude, was he? He started to type back I’m sure you look great, then stopped, wondering if that was friend-appropriate. Well, obviously it was friend-appropriate, just not when he was currently imagining just how great she would look.

‘Mia!’ his mum called, oblivious to first love, and got an ‘I’m coming’ back, though when Mia joined them again she was smiling – and she reserved a bigger smile just for him. He’d take it. Maybe there was still a way to go with her, to figure out their relationship, but he’d get there, one way or another.

As Theo and Mia set off – Mia leading the way now and Theo ribbing her for it – Jack’s mum came up side-by-side with him, linking her arm through his.

‘So, how’s the job?’ she asked.

‘Ahh . . .’

‘Oh dear.’

‘What?’

‘Jack, that’s the same “Ahh” as when I asked you if Katie Evans had been over while Derek and I were away that one night.’

Ah, Katie Evans: his first proper crush. Jack gave her a shifty look. ‘I sort of . . . quit.’

‘What? You quit your job?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why? I thought . . . It’s a good job, isn’t it?’

‘Yes, it’s a good job.’ The way his mum was looking at him right now said it all. He thought about the stream of messages he’d got from Ed, immediately after.

You’re QUITTING???

Why didn’t you run this important life decision past me?

What is the PLAN? Surely you have a plan.

Don’t think this means you can get away without a leaving do. There WILL be drinks in Soho.

‘It’s a good job,’ Jack repeated, ‘but for someone else. I just . . . I need a change.’ Though what, exactly, that change would entail, he hadn’t quite figured out. Still, he was trying to take things one step at a time, like Holly had said in Venice.

She studied him for a moment. ‘Well. I suppose I know a little about that.’

It was as good an opening as any. ‘I’ve been speaking to Emma.’ No need to go into the specifics – his mum didn’t need to know about Venice. ‘She’s . . . She’s not well.’

His mum became very focused on the gravel beneath their feet, but he could feel her attention laser-focused on him.

‘It’s stage four pancreatic cancer.’