Page 43 of A Winter Wish

“Don’t be,” Lexie said simply.

“But I—”

“Rachel, I didn’t think he’d leave me anything at all in his will. The company stuff. I don’t know. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m working through it. But his house—I wouldn’t have wanted it.” It was true, she realized. It might have been easier, but it would have felt way too personal. She’d gotten hung up on it because it was easier to focus on, to look for proof as to how Richard had valued his two daughters. But that was unfair to Rachel.

Rachel glanced at her, clearly trying to read her, before looking at the abbey again. “So where are you living now, then? With your mum?” Maybe she was returning the favor—changing the subject.

“I was—but I’m living with a friend of mine from school now.”

And she’d been amazed at how easy it had been. She’d been forced to share space with a variety of people over the years, but it had been so much nicer sharing with someone who already knew the bad parts of you as well as the good. She knew Fran could afford to live alone, but for now, it was perfect—and Fran insisted that she liked the company. She’d expected her mum to be disappointed, but instead she’d seemed almost relieved. Maybe living with an adult daughter was just as hard on the parent—and perhaps she hadn’t appreciated the fact that her mum might actually enjoy having her own space.

Lexie checked the time on her phone. “I should probably get back to the office.” No one would blame her if she didn’t, everyone very much kept to their own schedule, but still. “We’re planning this Madrid trip,” Lexie explained out loud. “And I want to make sure I’ve done all my research.” Especially as Theo was going to be with her, and she didn’t want to risk things going wrong.

“Oh, that’s so fun!” Rachel beamed. “I’ve been to Madrid. I was only about nine, so I don’t remember the ins and outs, but it was so cool—we went to see these Spanish dancers, and we ate all this Spanish food—I remember the patatas bravas, though I just thought they were posh chips with tomato—and they were amazing. It was so hot, and Dad and Mum seemed really happy—though that might have been the sangria. I got obsessed with this Spanish red dress and Dad actually bought it for me and I wore it to every party for like a year and…”

She trailed off, looking at Lexie, and Lexie realized she must have been letting something show on her face. She tried to smooth out her expression, but her gut was twisting, imagining the scenario Rachel was describing.

“Oh my god,” Rachel said. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think.”

Lexie shook her head to let her know it was fine, but Rachel plowed on, her voice a touch higher.

“I’m such an idiot. I’m sorry, I—”

“Rachel, it’s OK. You’re allowed to have memories of him.” Rachel looked like she was about to cry, her lip on the verge of wobbling. And Lexie didn’t know what to do.

“I shouldn’t have…You didn’t get to have a trip like that.”

“No. I didn’t.” She heaved in a deep breath. “I wanted to come,” she said quietly, figuring she owed Rachel some explanation. “Dad told me about Madrid, said you were all going—and he said I could come too. Not my mum, obviously, but she never let on that she was anything other than delighted at the prospect of me going.” Despite how much it must have hurt her, to have Richard invite Lexie along to a holiday with his new family, her mum had kept that to herself in a way Lexie had never truly appreciated until now. “Anyway, a few weeks before the trip, he canceled.”

Rachel’s expression twisted. “I didn’t know. I’m so sorry, Lexie. He never said you were going to come. Although…” She bit her lip. “It might have been my mum, you know. She was very set on family time, and she’s weirdly…traditional.” She started twisting her ring again. “It might not have fit with her idea of how a family was supposed to look or whatever.” Lexie might have thought she was just saying it, trying to make excuses for Richard, trying to make Lexie feel better about it—if it wasn’t for the way Rachel’s eyes darkened, the way her mouth pulled into a tight line.

Then Rachel closed her eyes, and when she opened them, they were shining with tears—and Lexie was struck again by her complete inadequacy. “Oh, god, Rachel—”

Rachel dashed a stray tear away. “I’m sorry. I just…Dad’s gone. He’s really gone, and it keeps hitting me—like I keep waking up, thinking it can’t be true, and then it is and I…” She swallowed, and Lexie saw how hard she was trying to swallow the tears down, not to break down in front of her. “My mum won’t talk to me about it. About him. They separated a few years ago—I don’t know if you…?”

“I knew that, yeah,” Lexie said quietly. And she’d noticed that Rachel’s mum wasn’t at the funeral, hadn’t she? She wanted to ask why—why Richard had abandoned his second family—but now clearly wasn’t the time for that.

She wanted to tell Rachel that she could talk to her. She wanted to be kind and offer an olive branch and be there for Rachel, in the way everyone needed someone to be when they were going through grief—ideally someone who knew the person who had died. But the problem was, she didn’t know that person—she didn’t know the same dad as Rachel, and it was still hard and confusing to hear the memories Rachel was sharing. Like her dad had dropped one family, picked up another, and not even noticed the first one’s absence. Just carried on. Until he’d left that one, too. And of course Rachel would have had a lovely time on those holidays—because when he’d been there, he was the perfect, fun dad. But any memories Lexie had of him being there became few and far between, replaced with memories of him letting her down.

So maybe the best she could offer right now was truth. “I haven’t figured out yet how I feel about it all. How I feel about Dad being…” She swallowed the final word, unable to say it. “I don’t really know how to process it—I don’t know if I’m sad, or if I’m just angry, or what to think. So I guess I’m…I don’t know. Waiting?”

“I get that. I think I do, anyway. For me, he was always my dad. He was a bit flaky at times, but in general he was great, and he was there for me when I needed him.”

Though he still left your mum, Lexie thought—but she didn’t say it out loud.

“I’m sorry,” Rachel said on an outward breath. “You must think I’m awful. I would, if I were you.”

Lexie gave Rachel a little smile. “Of course I don’t. I don’t blame you, if that’s what you’re worried about. You had as much say in it all as I did. I just…I’m not very good at facing up to things, I guess.”

Rachel tucked a curl behind her ear. “I know that we don’t know each other very well. And I know that all we have in common is Dad, and that he was a different person to both of us. But, I’m just going to throw it out there—things with my mum aren’t easy, and I don’t have much in the way of family, and I know being sisters might be a bit much after all this time, but I’d…” She shot Lexie a glance. “I’d really like it if we could be friends.”

Lexie nodded slowly. You had to admire Rachel, for putting her heart on the line like that. And because she admired it, because she couldn’t ignore how vulnerable Rachel was in that moment, she decided the least she could do was meet her partway. “How about we start with something a little easier, and build up to friends?”

To her credit, Rachel didn’t look offended by that. Instead she pursed her lips, thinking. “Mortal enemies?”

Lexie snorted out a laugh. “If we’re looking for something easier and less intense, mortal enemies isn’t the way to go in my experience.”

Rachel cocked her head, her curls spilling to one side the same way Lexie’s did. “Have many of them, do you?”