Page 65 of A Winter Wish

Lexie’s eyebrows shot up at the harsh phrase.

“I know,” Rachel said. “Sorry. Apparently I have a few issues with my mum.”

“Therapy?”

“Yeah. I’m a work in progress.”

“I think we all are.”

It was weird, though. She’d never really thought of Rachel’s mum as a real person, despite having met her several times. She’d always just been the woman her dad had left for, nothing more. But still…

“He could have tried harder to see me.” It came out in a small voice, and Lexie took a sip of cider to try to mask that. “Even if your mum didn’t want me around, I mean. He could have…” She trailed off, not really sure of the right way to finish that sentence. He could have fought for me? Was that what she wanted to say?

“Yeah. And he should have, Lexie.” Rachel leaned toward her across the table, as if to emphasize her point. “I loved him—so much. I still love him. And he was there for me—but he wasn’t there for you, and that’s something I can’t understand either.”

Lexie swallowed and tried to push down the emotion that rose up at Rachel’s words. Tried to keep her voice level as she asked, “So that’s why he left? Richard?” She couldn’t quite bring herself to say “Dad” in front of Rachel. “Because your mum was difficult or whatever?” And if she was difficult, if she was the type of person to do all this, then why had Richard left them for her?

“No…” Rachel twisted the ring on her finger again. “I’m…I’m seeing someone. It’s pretty serious, I guess.” She shot Lexie a look from under her eyelashes. Her eyes were almost exactly the same shade of blue as the sky. “I know I’m only young and whatever, but we’ve sort of made a promise…” She tapped her ring. “We’re not getting married now—not until we’re more sorted and old enough so that people won’t think we’re ridiculous, but, well…I’m pretty sure this is it. You know?”

Lexie didn’t know. She wasn’t sure she’d ever had the “it” feeling—wasn’t sure she’d ever even wanted it. But she could tell from Rachel’s voice how serious she was. “That’s amazing! I mean, yeah, you’re young, but maybe if you know, you know?”

“Exactly,” Rachel said, nodding. “And I know.”

“But, so what are you saying? That Richard left because you’re seeing someone? He disapproved or something?” She was trying to follow Rachel’s thought process, which had been a bit erratic since she’d started talking about her mum.

“No, he…” Rachel blew out a breath. “My mum disapproves.”

“OK…” Lexie said slowly, trying to keep up. “How come?”

Rachel bit her lip, then blurted out, “Her name is Lana.”

Lexie frowned. “Right. So is she some sort of, like, drug dealer or something?” She was trying to think of what caused most parents to disapprove of someone on a relationship front—but it all felt very Pride and Prejudice.

Rachel was staring at Lexie a little oddly. “No…She’s a she.”

“What? Are you serious? She doesn’t like that you’re going out with a woman?”

Rachel let out a shaking breath. And Lexie saw the tears coming.

“Oh shit,” Lexie said. “Rachel, I…”

“I’m sorry,” Rachel said through a sob. “I promise I’m not usually this emotional.” She shook her head, her curls flying everywhere. “That’s a lie. I’m sorry for lying. I cry all the fucking time, I can’t help it.”

Lexie laughed, but the sound was panicked. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” But she couldn’t figure out what she’d said wrong.

“No, it’s just…” Rachel wiped her hands across her eyes, smudging her mascara. “God. It’s stupid. I know it’s stupid in this day and age, but my mum, she’s just not OK with it. My friends are great. Lana is great. And I know it’s wrong to be grateful for that, but I just…I was worrying about telling you because…”

Lexie reached over and took Rachel’s hand across the table. And she felt a rush of fury for Rachel’s mum, though she managed to stop herself from spewing it out loud—she doubted that was the right thing to do in this situation.

Rachel looked down at Lexie’s hand on hers, and the sobbing subsided. She blinked up at Lexie. “I guess I don’t fit in her perfect little traditional family unit either.”

Lexie snorted. “She’s the one who had an affair with a married man.”

Rachel’s breath was a little shaky. “Yeah. I think that’s the thing, though—she felt like she had to make up for that with a perfect family. I think…Well, I used to overhear snatches of conversation—you know how you hear things when you’re little, because the adults assume that your ears don’t work properly?”

Lexie laughed a little. “Yes.” She’d seen a bit of that from the other side, nannying in Austria.

“Well, my mum, she always seemed a bit, I don’t know, panicked, I guess? That Dad would leave us.”