Page 58 of Prime Time Romance

She walks over to an air vent and sits down on its concrete ledge. “It is what I wanted, but—” She looks up, but her eyes seem to focus on something off in the distance. “It wasn’t exactly a great kiss.”

My blood rushes. It feels a little like relief. And although I hate that Brynn is upset, I’m glad their kiss sucked, and I think that says a lot about me as a person.

“I know I have this tendency to build things up in my head.” Brynn’s eyes meet mine again. “I overanalyze a lot. But I don’t think I’m doing that now. Josh, it was really bad.”

I join her on the air vent. “First kisses can suck. There’s a lot at stake. I’m sure it was just a fluke.”

She shakes her head. “But what if it’s not?” She turns toward me so that her knee is pressing against my thigh. “When my ex, Matt, left me, I’m worried it…it broke me. And I don’t mean it in that overused metaphorical way people usually reference when doing hard things. I changed, Josh. I decided at that moment that I’d never again let someone hurt me the way he did, and now I’m wondering…” She looks up at the stars for so long that I’m not sure if she’s going to complete her sentence.

“I’m wondering if I’ve done something permanent. Like my heart got confused, and while it was protecting itself from ever breaking again, it also severed the part that lets me feel at all.”

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Sorry…You brought me up here to hang out and have a beer, and I turned it into therapy. I didn’t mean to unload on you like that.” She shakes her head.

“It’s okay. I know exactly how you feel.”

She looks up, her eyes big and round. “You do?”

I don’t want to get into this now. I prefer to forget about it completely. If a drug existed to strike an entire year from my life, I’d probably take it. That time right after my dad died fucked me up in ways I’ll never be able to really explain. But she’s shared something really personal with me tonight, and I don’t want her to think I don’t understand how hard that is to do.

“I told you my dad had a bar. It was a place that was really important to him, and I inherited it after he died and wasn’t able to make it work.”

“That really sucks, Josh, I’m sorry.”

It may be the alcohol, but I like the simplicity of her answer. When it happened, it seemed like everyone had an excuse. The pandemic. The insurance company. No one just came out and said, “Fuck, that sucks,” and it’s really the only thing that I needed to hear.

She closes her eyes and shakes her head.

“What?” I ask, wondering what she’s thinking.

“I just had a very different idea of you in my head…until tonight.” She opens her eyes and looks at me. “You give off this air like nothing fazes you. You’re always smiling and so confident. I’ve been jealous of how…easy it all seems for you.”

“Nah. I’m just practiced at hiding it. Putting on my hospitality face. The bartender is not the one who is supposed to have the problems. He’s supposed to listen to yours.”

“You’re really good at it.” She reaches out and places her hand on top of mine.

“At looking happy?”

“At being a bartender. I mean, looking happy as well, but I was talking about downstairs. You ran that show tonight. People were loving it.”

She could have said a thousand different things just now, but that is somehow the perfect compliment.

“Tonight felt really good. It was actually the best I’ve felt in a long time. I owe you one. I wouldn’t have been able to pull it off without you.”

She starts to remove her hand from mine but stills suddenly. “Hey, Josh.” She turns her whole body to face me. “This is going to sound weird, but I need you to do something for me.”

“Sure,” I answer automatically. “What do you need?”

Her attention drops to my lips. “Would you…kiss me?”

I freeze, certain I’ve misinterpreted something.

“You’ll be honest with me,” she continues. “I don’t know if it was the kiss that was wrong or me, and I need someone who will tell me straight up.” She turns her head away again. I can’t see her face, just the profile of her eyelashes blinking rapidly. It gives me a moment for my head to catch up with what just happened.

“Hey, Brynn, I don’t think it’s such a good idea.”

“Please, Josh.”

There’s pleading in her voice, and as she turns to face me, I can tell by the way the moonlight hits her eyes that those were tears she was blinking away a moment ago.