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He looked at me, and didn't answer.
"And despite all those refusals," I continued, "here you are, all but demanding I be with you, and you alone."
"Because what we have deserves exploration."
"To what end, if you have no wish for anything permanent?"
Again, he didn't answer. Maybe that was a question he had no answer for.
"How many exclusive relationships have you actually had over your many years?"
His expression could only be described as dark. "Two or three."
I snorted softly. "In how many centuries?"
"It is hard to love someone when you know you must watch them grow old and die."
"Then why did you commit to Eryn?"
"As I said before, that was more a product of the drug than love. Had I been in my right state of mind, I would never have attempted that ceremony." His eyes were hard as he added, "I swore never to marry another woman four hundred years ago. It is a promise I hold to."
Which begged the question, what happened four hundred years ago? But I didn't bother asking, because I knew he wouldn't tell me. "Then you've never turned a lover?"
"No. It rarely works out well, anyway."
"Because of the territorial thing?"
He hesitated. "And because vampires cannot live on each other's blood."
They couldn't? That was interesting. I'd thought blood was blood, no matter what the source. I glanced at my watch and saw it was eight-thirty. The doctor would still be in his office if I rang now. "What happens next is up to you to decide. Just be well aware that I will have other partners, and I will not stop attending the moon dances. I can't afford to." I hesitated, watching his eyes, watching my words sink in. He wasn't liking them, wasn't accepting them. Not yet. "In the meantime, you got a phone I can use?"
He fished the keys out of his pocket, and tossed them to me. "In the car."
"Thanks. I'll meet you in the restaurant, if you like."
He nodded. I strode past him, and went to make the call that would end any hopes I had of having a child of my own.
In the end, we didn't get to eat. Quinn drove me back to the medical center, and the doctor inserted the intrauterine device that would stop any threat of pregnancy - it was also the only device that wasn't going to be detected by the blood tests I had no doubt Misha would insist on. He also inserted the monitor, as I suspected Misha would keep an eye on my file, and would be suspicious if it wasn't inserted. For that reason, I asked the doctor not to put anything on my file about the IUD, and though he was far from happy about it, he agreed. He had no choice really, as he knew I was Directorate and could easily have gotten the request enforced.
I don't really remember the lift ride back down to the ground, though I do remember Quinn taking me in his arms and holding me for what seemed like forever. He never said a word, but then, he didn't need to. Though the link between us was locked down tight, I knew he understood my pain. He was a vampire, after all, and knew all about never being able to have kids.
It was after midnight by the time we got back to the apartment. Jack was there, sitting at his com-screen, and a somewhat fierce scowl crossed his features as we walked in.
"Where the hell have you two been?"
"Thinking," I said.
"And this thinking couldn't have been interrupted for a quick phone call update on what the hell was going on?"
"No." Actually, I hadn't even thought of it.
I glanced toward the other bedrooms. I knew my brother was in one, but there were snores coming from the other room. Kade, undoubtedly. Why the hell was he was still here? What did Jack plan to do with him?
And was there any way I could uncover the mystery of the horse-shifter?
"Want a coffee, boss?"
"Thanks."
