Page 62 of Intrepid

And it pissed me off.

For the first time in a long time, I’d begun to feel something again, a stirring in my chest that ached every time I looked at her beautiful fucking face, a tightness in my muscles when I thought of someone else so much as touching her, and a realization of the hundreds of times a day I thought about her, that I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Some might’ve called it lust, or obsession. Except, the sickness I’d become infected with ran much deeper than the surface—like venom seeping into my brain and taking command of my body. Telling me to walk away from everything, forget the pain, screw the plan, and spare her life. Something akin to empathy, but to feel empathy, a person would have to know love.

What the fuck did I know of love? Only times I’d come close to it, fate had stepped in with other plans.

I lay back in bed, the darkness of the room settling over me, as the day gave way to night. I’d watched the clock for the last hour, praying I’d slip into another dimension, one where time stood still and I wasn’t tasked with the impossible mission of annihilating the only fragment left of my humanity.

Wasn’t that the way of it, though? A person could spend their life searching for some shred of meaning, some reason to explain why they were still alive, only to find it in a woman they’d vowed to destroy. The very reason they were stuck riding a downward spiral into depravity.

I’d found it too late. Because even if I could learn to forgive her, my demons would never forget what she’d done. They’d never silence for her, and therefore I’d never find the fucking peace and quiet I longed for, not until I made good on my promise.

A promise that meant the worst kind of betrayal. The kind bearing the face of charm and perfection, while masking a monster.

That was what I’d become.

Sera may have been no stranger to dangerous men throughout her life, but none of them held a candle to the bastard acting as my conscience. Like some messed up, possessed cricket, with dead eyes and an appetite for blood and carnage.

I’d learned from watching too many cartoons that redemption was only given when you’d proven yourself worthy, and I was too far gone for that.

Scrolling through my phone, I landed on her number, the twitch of my cock at the sight of her name giving me the urge to twist my balls until I blacked out.

Fucking hell, I’d fallen into some shit with her.

My little blue fairy.

As if Pavlov himself had conditioned me, I craved the sound of her voice, the way the corner of her lip curved up over a slightly crooked tooth when she smiled, and the twirling of her hair every time I made her nervous. The idea of her body pinned beneath me as I drove into her had me salivating like a dog.

The hell was I thinking going after her?

Lips tight, I clutched my swollen nuts with one hand and typed an awkward text with the other.

ME: I’ll be there in ten.

The three dots popped up and disappeared. Reappeared. Then disappeared again.

SERA: Shit. I’m so sorry. I have to cancel. Something came up.

I wished I could’ve left it that. Told her to forget she’d ever met me and wiped her face right off my phone and out of my life. Instead, I slipped back into my charm, giving another squeeze to my nut-sack.

ME: Everything okay?

SERA: If by okay, you mean my world crumbling at the core? Yeah, all good here.

ME: Exam?

SERA: I wish. I’m going to have to take a raincheck on our date. I’m at work.

Sorry, sweetheart. Not happenin’.

ME: So you had to work?

SERA: Sort of. I have to run a quick errand. Just waiting for the nurse to get back so I can hop the next bus.

ME: Bus?

SERA: I didn’t want my dad to see me here. Long story.

ME: Where are you?