Page 81 of Devoured

I stopped being afraid long ago; I learned to accept the darkest parts of life with the surrounding bleakness as Sybil taught me. Until Vanessa arrived, I didn’t think there was any light left in the world. But she proved me wrong.

Vanessa was innocent too. Once.

“No,” Arielle murmurs, that innocent gaze falling to the hands in her lap. “Not really.”

I don’t bother disguising my thoughts around her. There’s no need. A wall of hard steel presses against my forethoughts, firmly shielding my mind from hers. Arielle can only hear what I want her to, when I want her to. That’s why Calix asked me to help her after she was Bitten. Arielle’s powers come from the same constellation as my own, and thus they can be manipulated in the same ways. Although where I excel at dream manipulations, she excels at reading minds. A far preferable sort of power, if I’m honest.

“Cora has no plans for imminent war?” I prod. Then, “Have you been reading her mind, or are you just guessing now?”

“She’s not hiding her thoughts, if that’s what you’re insinuating.” Arielle winces, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth. “She doesn’t hide much from me.”

That’s not an answer. “So?” I stalk across the room, itching—always itching—to open Vanessa’s bedroom door. She isn’t in there. Stars know where Calix took her. But I want to touch the handle anyway. I want to hold the traces of her that remain whenever she leaves.

It feels as if that’s all I have left of Vanessa. Of us. Of whatever we were before I broke it.

The crack of a memory strikes my mental shield like lightning. Vanessa exhausted, injured, bleeding between my fingers as I carried her out of that fucking cage.

I thought I was saving her. This whole time… everything I did was to protect her. Even after the horrors of the massacre, I was delusional enough to believe things would get better.

But any fleeting hope I had left for peace, for a true resolution, vanished the instant I saw her broken by my mother.

“Cora is… She feels manic,” Arielle breathes. “Her thoughts have been more like glimmers lately. I see ideas, conceptions and notions for war or allegiances, but they never last longer than a second.”

“Is she distracting you on purpose? She could be manipulating you. Have you had any strange dreams? Has anything odd happened to you in the last week?”

Arielle shakes her head quickly. “No. No, I promise.” Her next exhalation ends on a soft whimper. I don’t need the Mind Reader ability to know that Arielle is afraid of me. Maybe almost as much as she’s afraid of my mother. I can imagine what she’s seen in Calix’s head—what he must think of me, how much he must hate me—so I don’t blame her. I can’t blame her.

I am the villain, after all.

I pinch the bridge of my nose and shut my eyes. “Specificities are better, Arielle. If I’m to uncover any secret plot of Cora’s, I need to know exactly who and what and where and when and why.”

“And how,” she offers meekly.

“Exactly.”

“I don’t know.” She closes her fists in her lap and sweeps her legs behind her, sitting taller by a mere inch. “She’s been thinking about your wedding a lot. The… um… rite. She wants to send invitations in the coming weeks, so it’s imperative she make a good impression on her guests. The ambassadors,” Arielle amends quickly. “It seems the rite is important to her. I think she wants to use it as a show of her strength and unity. But… well, I can’t be certain. Her brain isn’t like everyone else’s. Sometimes, I hear screaming in her thoughts. Sometimes, I see shades of pain almost like a kaleidoscope spinning around and around. Sometimes, I even see you. But I don’t know what any of it means.” She hangs her head low. “I’m sorry. I’ll keep listening.”

“That’s fine, Arielle. Thank you.”

Except—it’s not fine at all. It’s not enough, and I want to drive my fist straight through the stone of the castle wall.

In a matter of hours, up has become down, and just how am I meant to climb any sort of hill when it feels as if I’m constantly tumbling down it? Every time I get back up—every time I think I’ve come closer to fixing this mess—the world shifts, and I fall again.

I’m so fucking tired.

I can’t stop thinking about the silver chains around Vanessa’s ankles and wrists. I can’t stop thinking about what would have happened if I hadn’t shown up when I did.

“She’s okay,” Arielle whispers. “She’s… she’s going to be okay.”

My mental shield slams back in place as my eyes snap to hers. I grit my teeth. “Please don’t read my mind, Arielle,” I tell her, even though I know she can’t help it. “Remember what I taught you. There is a door between your brain and everyone else’s. You can open and close it at will if you focus.”

“I’m trying, but it’s hard. The voices are so loud sometimes. It’s like they’re banging on the door.”

“Then you need to erect another boundary—”

Speaking of doors, the one to my room opens. Calix marches inside, slamming it shut behind him, and waits just beside the threshold. Arms crossed tight, muscles tense, he glowers at me.

I try to manage a careless smile, but I can’t bring myself to force that right now. Not when Vanessa’s scent wafts from him in waves—stronger than it does from my own bed, where she just spent the last several hours lying down beside me.