Page 106 of Break the Ice

‘It’s a surprise,’ he says.

I listen to the lift ping at every floor as it climbs gradually. ‘How do you know Ignacio then?’

‘Oh, he’s part of the building. I used to come here after school sometimes to see my dad and he was always there. He’s known me since my tube sock and bangs days.’

I laugh, watching him look up at the display telling us what floor we’re on, biting his lip, looking a little worried. Is it one of those big surprises where the doors will open and some big singing superstar will be there? I will scream, I hope he knows that. The door finally opens and Joshua leads me down a hallway, through a small door onto a grey metal staircase. He leans against a fire exit door, pressing down on the bar.

As I walk out, I take a deep breath. I can’t take it all in. It’s like the city is glowing with life below us, the skyline alive and singing with light, stunning against the inkiness of the sky. Part of the building’s roof shelters us but I wrap my coat around me to escape the chill of the wind. I walk further and further out, smiling broader and wider to see the clouds backlit by the brightest crescent of the moon. This is not a surprise, it’s a revelation – this feels like something I’ll remember for ever.

‘JOSHUA!’ I squeal.

‘Is that a good scream? It did occur to me while we were coming up here that I don’t know if you’re scared of heights,’ he says, a hand in his pocket.

I go over to the side and put my hands on the ledge. ‘It’s amazing. Oh my God, this is good.’ I turn around and see that he’s reached into the bag and got out a bottle of champagne, red cups, blankets and little LED fairy lights that he hangs around the place. ‘Hold up, look at you bringing the ambience. What is this?’

‘It’s… I…’ he says, still hesitating.

‘Our own little New Year’s party,’ I say, as the music echoes up from Times Square. He opens the champagne expertly and I squeal a little again at the pop. He pours me a glass and hands it over. ‘So who delivered the bag?’

‘Oh, you know, a high-end courier service. You can get anything you want in this city,’ he says, unconvincingly. I shift him a look. ‘It was my parents,’ he admits

I laugh and take sips of my champagne. He pulls out of the bag a couple of soft pretzels and some Red Vines. I cheer at the appearance of each. ‘This is really quite cool. I like this, a lot. Thank you.’ I look over at him, feeling almost protective of him. You are wonderfully kind, sweet in a way I’ve never seen before. Never in anyone I’ve fallen for. Memories of the last eight days flash into view. Snippets of conversations in his car, naked clinches in dark shepherd’s huts, walks through the snow, kisses at basketball games, lying in beds together. I take in his eyes, the way he clenches his jaw when he’s concentrating. I’ve seen that look before – when he’s driving, when his body is hovering over me – I wonder if he and I could make sense. That suit really does fit you very well. Well done, me.

‘So…’ I say. ‘How long until the bells chime?’

‘The what?’ he says, sipping his champagne.

‘Sorry, I forgot you have your balls drop at New Year,’ I say.

He laughs. ‘A singular ball drop, and they don’t belong to me.’

I find this all hysterical, maybe because I’m trying to mask all this confusing emotion.

He looks at his watch. ‘Ten minutes.’

He reaches into that bag again. There’s more? ‘Umm, so I had an idea. It’s cool if you’d prefer to listen to the music from the street but…’ He gets out two sets of AirPods and throws me a pair.

‘Like a silent disco?’ I tell him.

‘Yeah.’

‘Then I’m in,’ I say, throwing both arms in the air. ‘I hope you’re playing me some Rihanna, dude,’ I add, as I open the case and put the AirPods in my ears. I see him putting his in too and then getting out his phone, the screen lighting up his face. He takes a deep breath before picking a song. It starts to play. I remember these funky guitars because I heard them several times on the trip down to Devon. It was the song that calmed Steve down. What an absolute tune. What a way to sign off on this adventure – with a bit of Stevie Wonder. I laugh, clutching a hand to my chest and looking at Joshua with the biggest of smiles. Inspired choice, completely. Do I dance? Of course I do. My shoulders circling, jumping around, my hands in the air. But as I do, I see Joshua standing there, looking at me. He lied. He can’t dance, can he? But I calm down and watch him, still, silent, mouthing the words. ‘For Once in My Life’. And I’ve maybe never stood still long enough before to listen to the lyrics, but now I hear a line about being unafraid, about knowing where life is going to lead him, about being strong. I stop and look at Joshua, the soft intensity of his gaze, Stevie still in my ears, watching his lips mouth something about having someone who needs him, and a tear from somewhere rolls down my cheek. You feel it too, don’t you? And there’s a way he looks at me, unable to look away, as if I am his singular focus in this very busy New York landscape, that takes my breath away. He’s not alone any more. Neither am I. And then another tear. I take an AirPod out of my ear. He does the same.

‘Joshua…’ I whisper, trying to contain my emotion. ‘You’re not dancing.’ I feel my bottom lip tremble.

‘Neither are you…’ he says. He comes over and wipes those tears from my face. I still hear Stevie in one ear telling me he has love so he can make it. The intensity in Joshua’s eyes, the way I feel his touch in every part of me, the lyrics and their meaning make me silent, so incredibly silent.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like you before,’ he tells me. ‘You’re just…’

I smile. This is why he got Stevie to say it for him.

‘I was really quite lost, alone, broken. I’d run away from everything I’d ever known, not really knowing where I was going, and then you come running into my life. Full force. Out of nowhere.’

He smiles, taking out my other AirPod and his, holding both my hands, gently. ‘And you were never too much. Just the best kind of energy, so very bright, and it draws you in and it’s wildly protective and joyous and sassy and… beautiful… and it’s been on my side, by my side this whole time, even though we hardly know each other. Even though we hardly know where we’ve been going this whole time.’

I squeeze his hand, hanging on every word, smiling. Eight days was all it took, really. ‘What you said in that hotel bar? How you are so sure about me? Who does that? Who puts such trust and belief in people they’ve just met? Why?’

‘Because you make it easy,’ I tell him, realising it as I say the words. ‘It’s easy when it’s someone like you. I meant all of it. You’re…’ And for once I’m lost for words. I feel the tears still misting my eyes because here’s someone who needed me, who saw all of me, who hasn’t diluted me. He likes how big I can be, he likes being in that wild orbit of mine. You’re kinda hot and mad for saying that out loud.