Page 221 of The Ninth

“Cassandra! A betrayal like that hurt me to my fucking core. It gave me this nasty ass feeling that I would always be number two. That I’ll never be the first pick in a man’s life or that he’ll always wonder off. You don’t understand how hurtful that is. To not feel worthy of love. And then the girls...a semester with them was so healing. I didn’t have that many friends in high school, so I felt like I finally had community. Like I finally belonged. It made me not trust women or men again. It’s why I stayed alone for all those years with just our grandmother and my parents.”

Cassie stood, coming and sitting next to me. This was the first time I’ve ever told anyone what happened. If anybody else knew, it was not from me. I was too ashamed. Too embarrassed.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Devyn. That shit doesn’t define you as a woman or measure the amount of love you deserve. You’re priceless to me and to Duke. I’m happy to see you being loved on properly. The walls you had up made perfect sense. You trusted them to be your home away from home which wasn’t a good environment. They didn’t care for you. That kind of betrayal never leaves you. Shit will alter your brain chemistry.”

“It fucked me up. That’s not even the worst part...”

“What is it?”

“I...I got back at him.”

“OH YESSSSSSS!”

“His mother is a professor and he, the girls, and I took her class. I...I waited until she started teaching to air drop a video to her MacBook. She opened it and it expanded on the screen in front of the class. It was me fucking his father.”

“WHAT?!”

“His aunt and sister got the same videos with their significant others.”

“G, YO ASS CAPPIN!”

“Cassandra...” I looked deeply into her eyes.

She fell over the chair and into the sand, crying laughing. She kept yelling about how I was crazy and diabolical. That this is the most insane shit she’s ever heard of. I went from the most innocent out of the four to the worst.

“I cannot believe you was on my back so hard when you got to Chicago, knowing you had a pussy hitlist to get back at your ex!”

“That’s why I was so hard on you. I was obviously fucking projecting and can admit it now. I’m not proud of my actions and it took a lot for me to live with what I did. I check his social media from time to time. That bitch is a single mom, he’s a deadbeat, the mom is divorced and a drunk, and the daddy is dead. Sometimes, I feel to blame. But sometimes...”

“That’s why you were down with the set up. You love you a get back, huh bitch?”

“On my fucking soul.”

We both fell into each other, laughing the hardest we probably ever have. Knowing that nigga tried to rape me, I felt no remorse hearing he died when them niggas slid on the house. I finally have the courage to admit that I am not perfect. That I have fucked up in probably the worst way. But I’m human and I’ve grown from it....sort of. The set up was my last time participating in any get back.

“Although that is the most craziest shit I’ve heard, I don’t judge you for it. Fuck that nigga, he didn’t consider your feelings one bit! You don’t get to choose how a mothafucka responds when they’re hurt. That’s why you don’t hurt people.”

“This is why I love you and am so grateful for you. I feel so much release confessing that shit.”

“If you would’ve confessed that shit in the box at church, the entire place would’ve went up in flames.”

I cackled, “SHUT UPPPP!”

“On my dead deddy. I just want you to know I am grateful for you too. Having you has taught me a lot about myself. I need to take accountability for my actions. I know right from wrong. And...as much as I love being brainless around my man, I still need to be my own woman. I’m happy you’re staying in the apartment. And I’m rescinding the offer to tattoo at my salon.”

“WHAT?! WHY!”

“Because you don’t wanna leave that man! You think it’s going to hurt me when it’s not. I’ma see my man every day, I just put him in the directory to work security.” Both of us laughed. “You love it at Duke’s, Devyn. You’re about to live on your own. You should be able to work somewhere you’re comfortable and somewhere you get to see him. Because that free spirited, weed smoking, Erykah Badu shit is not coming to my fucking salon!”

I rolled my eyes as she cackled, “But...what about us? We really went from living and working together to living and working separately.”

“I’ve promised you that we were going to create a family the right way. Love on each other the right way. We will raise our kids together. Laugh together. Cry together. We’ll have our own little traditions and create tons of memories with photos of each of them. You being your own woman apart from me and with your man will not change the amount of love between us. It will not make me forget you.”

She looked into my eyes as I looked into hers. “We’re always going to be straight, huh? Like...we’ll never be apart again. You’re pregnant. We’re creating a life together.”

“Never apart again, Devyn. Born to be sisters, forced to be cousins.. I got you until my eyes close, G.”

“Forever and always!”