Page 12 of What to do with Fitzwilliam Darcy?

Elizabeth's eyes widened. "Charles Bingley, if you are laughing..."

"I am not, dear sister."

Colonel Fitzwilliam cleared his throat loudly, apparently deciding that matters required military intervention. "If everyone might be quiet for one moment, I shall explain the terms of your confinement."

"The terms?" Darcy repeated.

"Yes. You see, the four of us have come to the conclusion that you are both behaving like complete idiots."

There was a short silence. Darcy looked at Elizabeth and Elizabeth looked at Darcy.

"Who are the four?" she asked.

"That is hardly the important part," said Fitzwilliam.

"Georgiana," Darcy said darkly.

From the corridor came a very small, "Sorry, William."

Darcy pinched the bridge of his nose.

Fitzwilliam continued. "You have managed between you to spend several months making yourselves thoroughly miserable, and yesterday evening demonstrated that when placed in the same room you are apparently incapable of conducting a straightforward conversation without one of you fleeing and the other drinking half the contents of Bingley's cellar."

Elizabeth made a strangled sound. Darcy glanced towards her and immediately wished he had not. Her face had turned scarlet.

"I was unwell," she said.

"You were soused!" said the colonel.

"Richard," Jane protested softly.

"She knows the truth of the matter, Mrs Bingley."

"I am standing directly here!" Elizabeth cried.

"Excellent. Then you are both in a perfect position to listen. You are not coming out until you have managed to speak to one another like sensible people. I do not care whether you emerge as civil acquaintances who never wish to be in the same county again or as an engaged couple. Either will do. What will not do is this ridiculous business of each of you deciding you know exactly what the other feels."

"I have made nobody miserable," Darcy said.

Bingley's voice came immediately through the door. "You have made me very miserable. And Jane is most upset."

"Thank you, Bingley," said the colonel.

Darcy stared at the door with a strong desire to tear it from its hinges.

Beside him, Elizabeth folded her arms. "And how long, precisely, do you intend to keep us here?"

"As long as it takes."

"You cannot imprison two people in a library!"

"We have provided tea. You won’t starve or expire of thirst," Bingley called helpfully.

Colonel Fitzwilliam spoke again before either of them could answer. "You will be released when you can convince us that you have managed a sensible conversation and can behave like two rational adults in one another's company. Until then, enjoy the tea."

Footsteps began to retreat down the corridor.

"Richard!" Darcy shouted.