Page 43 of The Starlight Savior

“I-I don’t know what you mean.” She buried her hands in her lap, letting the soft fabric rub against her palm.

Tobin turned to look at Saige, his black eyes boring into hers. “It’s clear your parents’ deaths are what fuel these magical outbursts, this inability to ground.”

“I—” Saige began, but closed her mouth. “What?’

“Are you aware of how magic works?”

Saige explained the bare bones she knew of magic. It was drawn from the elements, passed down through bloodlines. Fueled by emotion. But she knew nothing else,

“You’re correct. It is fueled by emotions and elements, even ones we aren’t aware of. But in order to control and harness them, it’s your emotions that need to be managed with intention. An angry warlock will often use their magic in bursts, great waves of power thrown at their opponents. But if it gets out of hand? He may not be able to control it. A calm and collected witch can extend their power out, focusing more on it and how to use it. But to send all their magic is a tricky task when their emotions aren’t so big. Someone who cannot navigate themselves could do neither. They simply explode. Rupture.”

There were many moments in her life where she was overcome by her magic. Ten years old, her light had exploded when she declared her parents dead, Judith cowering in the corner. When she was twelve, Charles taunted her outside the schoolhouse, claiming she was an orphan. Strange and alone. She hid her light in the sleeves of a sweater, but it didn’t stop the pulsing ache traveling through her bones. When she was fifteen, memories of Hadeon’s mouth brushing her skin always brought forth her curse. But she never understood why.

All of those times, she had let go. Exploded. Ruptured. She felt her skin tear at the seams, letting loose everything she hid back. Her anguish. Her anger. Her lust. Her regret. Even the happiest times had brought a surge of uncontrollable light. She had begun to avoid it all, the risk too great. The pain too much.

“You are lost in your past,” Tobin observed. “What would it be like to simply be here?”

She shook her head, peering at the crackle of the flames. They ebbed and flowed, climbing high against the dark brick of the fireplace and relaxing once again. “I don’t know. I want to control it.”

“My first thought is to say it will all take time. But that answer will not satisfy, nor soothe. We will work each day on your control, but you have to do work on your own too.”

“And what is that?”

Tobin looked at her once again, smiling sadly. “You must let yourself feel.”

Chapter 20

“Did training go well?” Eva asked as Saige sat for supper. Tonight her aunt, eyes red-rimmed and cheeks pale, was sitting across from her, dark hair pinned at the nape of her neck. The warlocks who had accompanied her retreated from the table, returning to the borders of the dining hall. Saige was finally getting used to the constant bodies trailing her, making sure she was safe and in line.

“As well as it could’ve gone,” she said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. Tobin’s words lingered in her head all day. Despite Conor urging her to move on, Tobin’s suggestion was to feel it all. To embrace every moment that overwhelmed her. It seemed an impossible task, given the circumstances.

“I’m sure it went better than my first day,” said a voice next to her.

She turned to see a witch with icy blonde hair smiling at her in a familiar way. Her irises were a bright violet, a color she hadn’t seen yet in Opela.

Introducing herself, Saige gave an earnest smile back.

“Oh I know, I spoke to you on your first evening. But you were lost in your own world, and I didn’t want to push.”

Saige’s cheeks burned. “I-I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I wasn’t acting my best.”

“I don’t blame you, considering you were placed on trial before the whole court.” The woman rolled her eyes before reaching out her hand. Her grasp was strong as she took Saige’s forearm. “I’m Niana.”

The last two evenings, she had been too absorbed in her power and anger to notice her surroundings. But now, after what seemed like an endless release of magic, a calmness washed over her. The servants and cooks placed piping hot plates of food onto the table. Niana reached for a platter of roasted pig, putting great servings on hers and Saige’s plates.

“Thank you.” Saige’s stomach grumbling. The smell of rosemary and garlic wafted from the steaming potatoes.

“Of course.” Niana smiled. “Considering Conor has been the only friend you’ve been able to make, I thought tonight could be my chance.”

She laughed nervously. “He’s not that bad.”

Niana’s sharp brows raised. “Oh really?”

“I suppose he is a bit…”

“Obnoxious? Quite so.”

“You said it, not me!” Saige laughed. Across from her, she caught Eva’s eye as she smiled with a flicker of hope.