Page 9 of The Starlight Savior

“If you wed a soldier, he will protect you and his family no matter what. Blood rules above all. You must share this burden with someone else, Saige!” Judith’s voice rose, splintering the air.

Her caregiver never yelled. Not like this.

“Is that why you won’t claim me as your own? Because I am not blood?”

Judith’s scowl deepened. “Sometimes you speak and I don’t even know you. The child who arrived filled with gratitude and grief disappears the minute you want to drive away truth. What kind of life is this, Saige? Cleaning an empty house, living in a closet, hiding yourself away from the world because you are too afraid to get hurt!”

I’m not afraid of getting hurt. I am afraid of hurting.

But the words didn’t come out. As Judith’s voice continued to rise, her cheeks reddened as a flush spread up her neck.

“Do you even have any will to live? Because the life I see now, it is empty beyond belief. You don’t even come in and visit anymore.”

“I live for my parents,” Saige cried, body pulsing. “The reason I wake up is to keep their life, their legacy, moving forward.”

“Really? I’d imagine they’d be disappointed by such a lonely life.”

“Do not speak for my mother and father,” Saige uttered through clenched teeth.

But Judith kept speaking sharp words fueled by worry. “What if there was a life where you could control your episodes? Where you didn’t have to hide away from the rest of Opela?”

“I try my best. You know that.”

“But now you must do better. Don’t you know what could happen to me if you were caught? Althea? That soldier? Harboring someone…” Judith tripped over the words. In the ten years by Judith’s side, she had never acknowledged the reality of what she possessed.

Saige closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. Deep down, she knew Judith wanted her to be safe. But every word splintered in her chest. “Of course I know. It is all I think about. Everything I do is to keep you safe.”

“When will you live to keep yourself safe though? To actually feel joy in your life?” Judith stepped forward, holding her hands once again. “You deserve so much more than the life you live here. A life of pain and fear. It’s time for you to find a way to exist in peace, to truly live the way you deserve. Especially if we don’t have much time left.”

Saige stood there as Judith retreated, giving her space. Her cheeks were wet, lips salty with tears she had no control over. She wanted peace so badly; she just had no idea how to achieve it.

Chapter 5

Hadeon’s offer lingered on the forefront of Saige’s mind as she stood in her quarters. Most of her days were spent alone, but it didn’t mean she never felt the weight of isolation on her shoulders. There were rare moments where loneliness engulfed her. Forcing herself to splurge in socializing was often the only cure. She would usually sneak into Althea’s work space at the infirmary, listening to her friend organize salves, recount her day, or memorize properties of freshly harvested plants. Saige spoke little, but it filled a part of herself that was so empty.

Tonight Saige was more than lonely.

Rawness clawed at her throat. Her barriers had been stripped, leaving her vulnerable. Already, there was power simmering under her skin. The day had depleted her resolve, the look of pleading disappointment on Judith’s face more than Saige could bear.

Her gaze trailed from the door to her small kitchen. She could make herself a plate of food, considering the soldiers hadn’t discovered her concealed quarters. Maybe she’d curl up with a book in her rickety bed.

Yet the urge to numb her anxious energy was vicious.

When Saige was fifteen, she surprisingly discovered a drop of alcohol soothed her magic. Whether it was wine, ale, or liquor, each sip made her body buzz less and less. She could float along, numb and blissful, without any worry. But that particular alternative was not only an easy path, but a slippery one too.

Alcohol was a different lack of control. Sober, she could barely manage her emotions. But with liquor, her heart controlled her instead.

Saige’s wants, needs, and greatest fears all burst out at once with no cage to hold them. She would speak her thoughts without care, dreaming of lives that were unattainable. Her recovery process from a night of drinking often led to a sooner outburst. A vicious cycle of attempting to remain in control.

Her first night intoxicated was at one of Denholm’s summer bonfires. In the past, Althea had made many attempts to drag her along. But there was too much risk, even if Saige longed to dance and laugh by the glow of the flames licking the creek’s beach.

Luck had intervened the evening Hadeon invited her instead. Saige’s magic had been depleted, leaving a burn mark on her right thigh. Her defenses were so drained she could only nod.

It was the one time she joined. She sat with the other companions, laughing and sipping from glass bottles, peering up at the mountains surrounding their tiny village. She spoke little but relished the night. Kerian played a lute by the fire as Althea and Baron danced to the beat. Cynth told ancient stories meant only for the stars to hear. She spoke of magic falling from the sky, deities sprouting from bare land. Of blood dripping into the earth, creating every living being that emerged.

But the part she remembered most—even five years later—was when Hadeon leaned in to say goodnight. She didn’t flinch as his lips brushed her cheek and neck, his hand wrapping around her back. His touch sent shivers down her spine. Consumed by his scent and warmth, she had leaned into it. Soaking it up.

The memory of that evening, the feeling of finally belonging, soothed her almost every time she was lonely.