Page 48 of Blood Curse

We opened the next two doors by hand.

The king’s rooms had warmed while we were downstairs. A fire burned in the outer room, and someone had left a tray of water and clean glasses on the table.

I poured a glass. My hand shook, spilling some.

Stellan waited.

“I liked it,” I said.

“The blood?”

“All of it.” I put the glass down. “The hunger was awful, but the power wasn’t. When the court watched me, I felt bigger. When the vampire obeyed, I felt him choose me even though I knew he hadn’t chosen anything.”

I rubbed my clean palm against my skirt. “When the Crown said we had something worth ruling, part of me agreed. I looked at that room and understood how easy it would be to keep them frightened. One order and everyone would watch me. Another and they’d do whatever made the feeling last.”

“Did you want to give the second order?”

“For a moment.”

“What stopped you?”

“Mara’s blood. Then the fact that I hated wanting it.”

“Hating the feeling won’t always be enough.”

“I know.”

“So we use rules as well. You don’t face the gathered court alone. We cover blood quickly. If the Crown turns attention into pleasure, we break the audience apart.”

“And if I refuse to leave?”

“You did refuse. Then you waited until the danger passed and walked out by choice.”

“That’s a very generous description.”

“It’s an accurate one.”

Stellan’s face remained calm. “Did you want Mara hurt?”

“Of course not.”

“Did you choose to bite her?”

“No.”

“Then don’t turn a feeling into a decision after the fact. The Crown pushed pleasure into your body. You still chose what to do with your hands and your mouth.”

“What if it feels better next time?”

“Then we treat that as danger. I won’t call it harmless, and I won’t call you cruel for feeling it.”

I searched his face for fear and found plenty. He simply wasn’t aiming it at me.

“You believed me immediately,” I said.

“Cecily described the same rush. I dismissed how frightened she was because I thought pleasure meant desire.” His jaw tightened. “I won’t make that mistake with you.”

“I’m not Cecily.”