Page 3 of Signed in Blood

The yellow smiley face and other ’70s hippie patches stare back at me through the window. Frustrated, she drops her backpack entirely. Using her teeth, Sabrina rips off her gloves so she can rummage in her purse for the keys.

I move my knockoff camel suede tote from my left shoulder to my right as I wait for her to unlock the car. It’s even heavier with my laptop in it, but it’s so much easier taking notes on the computer rather than in a notebook.

“Finally!” she calls out and I hear the keys jingle before the car beeps and we get in.

The chill of the outside is lessened in the car but I’m still freezing. After tossing her backpack in the back, Sabrina slides in the driver’s seat and turns the key in the ignition. The car stutters at first, making my heart drop, but finally it comes to life.

A smile is forced to my lips as one of our favorite pop songs blares into the car and Sabrina jolts with her hands up before turning the volume down. Setting my head back on the seat rest, I admire the headlights moving along the fresh snow as we leave the south side of campus to head back to our dorm.

Sabrina has always been more stylish and smarter than me; last semester’s grades prove that, but she’s also the one to make sure we make time for fun. “It’s a balanced life,” as she likes to say.

Once we’re on the main road, I expect her to turn the volume back up. She always jokes that she can see better driving at night when the volume is down. But she doesn’t reach for the knob.

“Did you do it, Lil?” she asks after a moment with a sly grin.

I love that look on her face. It means she’s up to no good, and I know exactly what that no-good deed is this time.

“Yeah, I ended it for good and we’re going to that concert,” I tell her firmly with a mix of emotions running through me.

“What did he say?” she asks me, and I shrug.

“I texted him. Broke it off for good and blocked him.” I stare out of the window and watch the light shine down on the crisp white snow as my gut sinks. I know it was what I needed, but still it hurts. No one likes to be used.

Jake and I were together for six months and I gave him not only my v-card but also my back door one. Just thinking about it makes me squirm in the leather seat. At first it was just a fling. After all, I’m a sophomore in college and I was still a virgin. I wanted to know what it felt like and what it was all about. I didn’t expect the reality to be so damn disappointing, nor did I expect him to be such a controlling dick. Finding out he was cheating on me though… Fuck, that one hurt more than it should’ve.

It’s not like the guy is good in bed or that I’m missing out on anything he has to offer, it was more of the dissolution of wanting to find love. I guess I look for it in all the wrong places.

It’s the Lilith in me.

Or maybe it was from being tossed around foster homes all my life, I wouldn’t know stability if it slapped me in the face and said hello. Sabrina is my best friend and the only family I’ve ever had or needed, for that matter. “It’s about damn time,” Sabrina tells me as we pull up to a red light and she reaches in the center console for her ChapStick.

“He’s a prick,” I mutter.

“Damn right,” Sabrina agrees with a firm nod. She’s had the same nod all her life. Ever since we were in the foster program together. It’s like her body is telling her, “We’re definitely sure about this.” And honestly, if her head is nodding like that, I’m sure of it too.

“We might have our baggage and all, but you deserve the best of the best,” she tells me, and my throat gets tight and my eyes sting.

“I wish I hadn’t slept with him,” I admit.

“Oh honey no, it’s a good thing. Now you know what a shit lay is and how to use a vibrator,” she says confidently as the light turns green and I let out a bellow of a laugh.

“True, true,” I relent.

“We’re heading into the new year with no regrets, more assertiveness, and self-sovereignty,” Sabrina says and turns up the volume to the stereo, blaring one of our favorite songs, “You Put the Lime in the Coconut,” and I respond, “If you say so.”

Most people go home for the holidays but with us, we’re each others’ only home. And we certainly couldn’t afford more than our fake Charlie Brown Christmas tree this year. Cuddling up with holiday movies was all we really need though. We still don’t have New Year's plans, although a few classmates are going to a bar on the corner street by the dorms. We can’t drink yet but the word is that the bar doesn’t exactly check every ID.

It’s less than a week away and I’m already nervous about it. I don’t want to get arrested over a freaking cocktail, but Sabrina gave me that nod, so alas, that is where my ass will be when the clock strikes midnight.

“Hey, question,” Sabrina interrupts my thoughts and turns down the volume again.

“Yeah?”

“What are you wearing to the concert tomorrow?”

“Black leather leggings and that oversized gray sweater with the skull on it,” I answer.

Sabrina glances at me—directly at me—and then the back to the road. Twice. “That’s like a Halloween outfit,” she says.