Page 56 of The Changeling

‘But, Father, I …’

‘There is naught you can say. Do you not understand the harm you have done? You have dishonoured a lass whose family has long worked for ours, and you risk dishonouring our queen. Any loose morals among her staff are seen as proof of her Grace’s loose morals. I will not permit you to bring more scandal upon our queen. Tomorrow you and Rory will return to Inchbrakie, and I will arrange a marriage for you. A young man has needs, I understand that. But better you spend your seed on hallowed ground and conceive a child in lawful wedlock, rather than bring another wee bastard into the world.’

The look on Robbie’s face hurt me. I said his name, but he did not look at me, keeping his gaze steady on his father’s face. ‘I’m sorry, Father. I knew it was wrong of me, I knew the whole time. I just wanted her so badly.’

‘You are still very young, laddie. I know your feelings run strong.’

‘Would you force me to marry against my will, Father? Compel me into a loveless marriage?’

Lord George looked distressed. ‘Nay, my lad! I’d not force you. I’d simply rely on your sense of honour, your sense of what is fitting.’

‘I do not like you thinking me dishonourable.’

‘I do not like thinking it either.’

‘How can it be wrong when we love each other, when we have promised to be true to each other?’

‘You knew it was wrong, Robbie. Else you would have come to me and asked me for permission to marry her.’

Robbie’s eyes fell. He bowed his head, and a slow tide of red crept up his face.

I flew to him, trying to tug him to his feet. ‘No, Robbie, please, dinna do this. We are meant to be together. You said so yourself. Dinna leave me.’

‘Father’s right. It was dishonourable of me. Please forgive me.’

‘It was my fault,’ I wept, ‘I seduced you. I told you I didna care we couldna marry. It was me, it was me who was dishonourable.’

Robbie rose to his feet, gently putting me away from him. ‘Please let me go, I cannot bear you clinging to me just now.’ He looked at his father. ‘I’ll go in the morning. Please do not blame Caiti. I … I was not thinking.’

‘You are not the first young man to think with his cock, instead of his brain.’

‘It’s not that. Or not only that. I love her, Father. I will always love her.’

‘You think your heart is broken. I’m sorry for that. But time heals all wounds. You’ll find you’ll love again in time, lad.’

‘Will I? I do not think so. You said you would not force me. How long may I have? To prove to you I truly love her? A year? A year and a day? That is how long we swore ourselves to each other. If I am constant and true to her, for a year and a day, will we have your blessing?’

‘Robbie, you speak wildly …’

‘You said I had been dishonourable. Give me a chance to prove you wrong. A year and a day. Bring me every maiden in the land, every lass you think might tempt me, and if I once waver in my constancy I will submit to you and obey you, as a good son should. But if a year and a day passes, and I have stayed true, you must know … you must let me … Father, please …’

Lord George was shaking his head, looking distressed. ‘Robbie, enough. What you ask is impossible.’

‘Then I will go. I will abjure my family, my clan, my … my everything. All I ask is a chance to … to prove to you …’

‘Enough. Robbie, go to your quarters. We will speak of it later. This is not the time or place. Tie up your breeches, put yourself in order, for heaven’s sake – no-one can see you like this. Go. I need to speak to the lass.’

Robbie made a move towards me.

‘Do not touch her! It will only make it harder. Go pack your things. We ride at dawn.’

I could not help myself. I held out my hands to him imploringly. ‘Caiti … hinny …’

‘Robbie, go!’ Lord George ordered.

Robbie gave me one unhappy look, picked up his coat and left.

I lifted my chin and glared at Lord George.