Page 80 of The Changeling

As we cooked together, I found myself telling Nan nearly everything that had happened. I even told her how Lord George had found me and Robbie in the old chapel, his breeches around his ankles.

Nan chuckled. ‘Och, the poor lad!’

‘Is he … is he married?’

‘Nay, no’ yet. They say he refuses to even look at another lass.’

That was balm to my spirit too.

‘Where are Mam and Sorcha?’ I asked. ‘I thought they’d be home from work by now.’

‘Och, they’ll be at the market in Crieff, selling their wares. Sorcha’s been carving wee beasties out of wood, and has found a ready market for them, while Mam’s embroidery is always in demand.’ Nan saw my look of surprise, and said, ‘It was thought best they dinna work at Inchbrakie anymore.’

‘You mean … they lost their jobs? Because of me?’

‘’Twere no fault of yours, hinny. But after Lord George brought the boys back from court … well, Lady Marjorie thought a clean break would be best.’

She hesitated, then said, ‘Maybe it’s best you ken. I’m sorry to say it, Caiti, but her ladyship believes Robbie is … well, that he’s under some kind of spell.’

Hot colour rushed up my face. ‘She thinks I bewitched him?’

‘I ken you’d never do such a thing, hinny, but she canna account for his obstinacy any other way.’

I thought of the wish I had written in blood on birch bark, so long ago, and how Robbie had danced with me, and the nettle string I had tied to the hawthorn tree, and the mayblossom cakes I had cooked, and felt utterly ashamed and miserable. ‘Mean no harm, do no harm’ had always been Nan’s golden rule. Had I done Robbie harm? I had not wanted to. Was it wrong to want to dance with a boy, to kiss him because he made your heart thump hard, to dream of him when he was gone?

Carlin had been stretched out to her full length on the hearth rug, snoring gently, but she suddenly raised her muzzle and sniffed the air. Then she was up and frisking about at the door, her tail wagging madly. Mam and Sorcha came in, unwinding their plaids from their smooth fair heads. ‘Caiti!’

I had dreaded this moment, but I should have known better. They hugged me, pelted me with questions, hugged me again. We ate our pottage, and they listened to my tale as if it was some heroic saga. I looked up once to see Mam wiping away tears. She reached across the table and squeezed my hand.

‘I’m just so glad to have you home again, my lambkin.’

The only thing I did not tell them was how I had swapped the dead prince for the faery queen’s changeling child. I could not. The words choked in my throat like a bone.

When twilight finally came, it was time to douse the candles and bank the fire, and go to bed. I was unutterably weary, but did not know where I should sleep.

‘You wee dafty,’ Sorcha said. ‘Of course you’ll sleep with me. Come on! Have you forgotten the way?’

I followed her up the spiral staircase, its treads hollowed in the centre from our childhood footsteps, and stood looking about the little room, the bed with its patchwork quilt under great bunches of dried herbs, the chimney breast that was always warm. I took off my heavy black gown that had been the uniform of the queen’s chamberers and tossed it over the chair. I would never wear it again. I could wear colours now if I wanted to. I could braid my hair loosely and let it hang down my back, I could go barefoot in summer if I wanted.

Shyly I crept under the old patchwork quilt. Sorcha jumped in, laughing. ‘It’s just like old times!’

‘You ken we’re no’ truly twins?’

Sorcha flung her arms about me. ‘You may no’ be the twin of my blood, but you are the twin of my heart. Naught can ever change that. You’ll be my sister till I die.’

I hugged her back. ‘I missed you so much!’

‘I missed you too! Now, tell me all about Robbie. Is it true you seduced him?’

Blushing, I nodded. ‘Aye, it’s true.’

‘Tell me everything!’

Nan kept me busy cooking our meals, making candles and collecting firewood. One day I was out with Carlin, harvesting the bark of the willows that grew along the bank of the Shaggie Burn, when a young man on a chestnut horse galloped by. I lifted my chin and watched him pass.

I have naught to be ashamed of, I told myself. We were handfasted.

Robbie saw me. His stallion broke his stride. I followed him with my eyes and saw him rise in his stirrups and turn to look back at me.