Page 19 of Me and Mr. Darcy

‘Aww, go on, he’s right here . . .’

‘No, honestly—’

It’s too late. I can hear the phone being passed over. My heart plummets. Oh, no. Please no.

‘Yo,’ demands a male voice on the other end of the line.

‘Oh, hi.’ I wince. ‘I’m Emily.’

‘Scott,’ grunts the reply.

There’s an awkward pause. I grope around for something to say.

‘Um, so what do you do, Scott?’ I ask stiffly. God, I sound like Stella’s mother.

‘I party,’ he laughs raucously.

I wince and persevere.

‘So, are you having a good time?’

Honestly, why don’t I just add ‘dear’ and go the whole hog?

‘Yeah, it’s totally wicked, and your friend Stella is rockin’.’

OK, I’m not going to judge. ‘Wicked’ and ‘rocking’ are perfectly good adjectives.

‘Boy, does she lurve to par-taayyyy,’ he whoops.

I take it all back. I’m judging. And Scott is guilty of being a total moron.

‘Um . . . will you pass me back to Stella?’ I say, only I have to shout loudly as he’s now pretending to howl like a dog.

Thankfully I hear the rustle of the phone and then, ‘Em?’

It’s Stella, back on the phone. Part of me is relieved, but the other part knows what’s coming next: the appraisal.

‘So what did you think?’ she whispers.

‘It’s difficult to tell, on the phone,’ I say, trying to be tactful.

‘He’s really successful. He owns an advertising agency,’ she confides. ‘And he’s really handsome.’

‘I’m sure he is,’ I agree. Who isn’t after a night of margaritas? I once kissed my own reflection in the mirror of the ladies.

‘He’s such great fun, Emily. He’s really crazy and he makes me laugh. I’ve only known him a couple of hours. I feel like we’re really connecting.’

Oh, shit. This sounds dangerous. I try jolting her back to reality. ‘So, have you heard from Freddy?’ I ask hopefully.

‘Yeah, he’s already sent me about ten text messages asking if I arrived safely, how’s the hotel, if I was OK . . .’

‘Aw, he’s so sweet,’ I say fondly. ‘You’re lucky. Freddy really cares about you.’

‘Well, I wish he didn’t, he drives me crazy,’ grumbles Stella. ‘I wish he’d leave me alone to enjoy my vacation.’

‘You say that, but I bet you’d really miss him if he did.’

‘I bet I wouldn’t.’