Page 59 of My Undead Love Life

“The order matters.”

“You also color-coded them.”

“Easier to look at and process faster in a crisis,” I defended.

Her lips curved into a teasing smile. “Your nickname makes sense, Mad.”

I groaned quietly. “Of course you’d think so.”

“Mad Maddox,” she said, and my heart fluttered hearing it from her lips. “You said you got it because you were obsessed with preparation, right?”

“Preparation saves lives. I told them that every time they gave me shit about it.” My chest ached with grief.

Her amusement faded when she noticed the change in my voice. “That’s how you knew how to get us through the subway tunnels.”

“Yeah.” I looked down at my hands. They were rough and scarred from years of work, but no amount of strength in them had been enough to save Ryan.

“Why are you so obsessed with the details?” she asked. The question was gentle. She wasn’t prying for the sake of satisfying her curiosity. It made me feel like she wanted to understand me.

I drew a slow breath. “A year before the outbreak, I was part of a rescue team during an apartment fire. Ryan and I went into the building together. He was my best friend, and we’d worked enough calls together that we barely needed to speak. I trusted him more than anyone.”

Spencer remained silent, giving me time to continue.

“We made it to the third floor before part of the stairwell collapsed behind us. The fire spread faster than dispatch had estimated it would. Smoke filled the hall, and we couldn’t go back the way we’d come.”

I could still remember the heat pressing through my protective gear. The alarms had screamed around us. The building had groaned as pieces of it gave way. Through the smoke, I’d barely been able to see Ryan’s reflective stripes.

“There was an evacuation map mounted near the stairwell,” I continued. “It showed another exit at the end of the west corridor. Ryan ran ahead because we had seconds to make a decision, and he must’ve found it.” My hands curled into fists. “The map was wrong. Someone had marked an old service stairwell that had been sealed during renovations. It led him to a dead end, where he was found.”

Spencer’s face tightened.

“I had gone the other direction when we were separated and found a window. I barely got out before the floor collapsed.” My throat felt raw even though I hadn’t raised my voice. “Ryan didn’t.”

The horde groaned beyond the walls. The sound became the roar of the fire in my memory.

“I should have checked,” I said. “I should’ve studied the building before we went in. If I’d known that map was outdated, I could’ve told him the map was outdated.”

“You couldn’t have known.”

“I could have.”

“Maddox.”

“If I’d double-checked it, he might still be alive.”

Her eyes filled with sympathy.

“I will never make that mistake again,” I said. “After that, I didn’t trust anyone else to mark the maps. I studied every change myself. I marked blocked streets, structural hazards, and any alternate routes we could use. I wasn’t always this meticulous, but planning routes and identifying hazards saves us.”

“It has saved us,” she murmured. “More than once.”

I shrugged again, though the weight across my shoulders had become heavier. “Yeah.”

Spencer stepped closer. “No,” she said. “You’ve saved so many lives thinking this way, Mad. We’re alive because of you. Because you knew the tunnels and the city’s layout, and this mall.” She lifted her hand and brushed dust from my shoulder. Her fingertips moved slowly over the fabric. “Losing your best friend will still hurt. You don’t have to pretend it doesn’t.”

The small gesture sent a strange warmth through my chest. I’d spent years turning Ryan’s death into something practical. It became a reason to study harder and plan better. I had rarely allowed myself to remember that he had been my best friend before he became my mistake.

Spencer understood that kind of grief without needing me to explain it. Her hand remained on my shoulder. Our eyes met, and something shifted between us. She didn’t move away, and neither did I.