Page 44 of When a Soul Cries

“I know.”

“No, I mean it.” Her voice had dropped into that serious tone she only used when she knew I was getting inside my own head. “She’s asleep right now. She ate. She drank. Her fever came down. I’m sitting right here with her.”

I unlocked my phone without thinking and checked the time. “I still wanna see her.”

“And you will.”

“I’ve been gone all day.”

“I know.”

Something about the way she said it made me stop walking. Zari knew when to joke with me, but she also knew when not to.

“You’re allowed to do something for yourself sometimes,” she said quietly. “That don’t make you a bad mama.”

I stared across the parking lot as my eyes started burning. Probably because that wasn’t the only reason I didn’t want to go.

Going to dinner meant pretending for an hour that my life was normal. Pretending I wasn’t scared. Pretending I didn’t have an eviction hanging over my head. Pretending I had room in my life for something as simple as sitting across from a man and laughing.

I wasn’t sure I knew how to do that anymore.

“I ain’t got time for no man, Zari.” My voice was softer now, some of the fight gone from it. “I got too much shit going on.”

She didn’t know how much.

“That might be exactly why you need to go eat,” she said. “Not marry him. Not fall in love. Eat. For one damn hour.”

I let out a breath through my nose, rubbing my thumb along the edge of my keys. “No.”

“You stubborn.”

“I know.”

“You like him?”

My head snapped back like she could actually see my reaction through the phone. “I just met him.”

“That wasn’t my question.”

I opened my mouth, closed it, then rolled my eyes at absolutely nobody. “He cool.”

Zari burst out laughing, and my face twisted up. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“What?”

“Your ass like him.”

“I said he’s cool!”

“Mhm.”

That little hum made my cheeks warm, which only irritated me more. “Bye, Zari.”

“Wait!” Her laughter faded just enough for her to get the question out. “Is he fine?”

My steps slowed.